A Happy Day

December 20, 2010

Ah the joys of popping awake at 4am. Not sure what this is about, but I’m ready to get over it. Now. Please?

My week is looking up. I hate to admit that just the thought of seeing W gives me a whole new outlook, but, okay, it does.  I was pretty crabby yesterday, after a week of enforced quarantine from him due to health issues.  His, not mine. He caught an awful cold last weekend-ish, and has literally been nearly bedridden the entire time, too sick to do much more than sleep, take meds, sip a little soup and send the occasional email that he’s still alive. Because I have some rather major surgery scheduled next week, he hasn’t allowed me anywhere near him, which has been driving me nuts.  Besides just being crabby about being separated and having so little contact, it’s also been hard because I am a nurturer and a caretaker at heart, and to know he’s been alone and sick all this time, without someone to care for him, about kills me.  He says he prefers to be alone when he’s ill, but I think he lies. No one likes to be sick and alone. Period.  So this past week has been rough.

This is one of the conundrums of living separately. I consider both he and Ad co-primaries, and yet, because W and I live apart, I can’t share in all the little parts of daily life with W that Ad and I do.  If he was just a sex/kink partner, that would probably be fine–keep the relationship at a shallow level–but he’s not, and it is very hard for me to deal with him as if he is, when he holds me at arm’s length like he did this past week. It makes me feel rejected, our relationship somehow minimized, to be told to stay away because he is ill. Sharing the good and the bad, caring for each other during the good times and bad, helping each other, are all hallmarks, to me, of a relationship that is about more than just getting fucked. And though I may write about that aspect of it in Pieces of Jade quite a bit, our relationship means quite a bit more to me than that.  Honestly, I know it does to him too, but it’s hard for me to see beyond the knee-jerk “he doesn’t want me around” feeling to know that in my heart as well as my head.

But then I read a line in an email, “Please call me, I miss the sound of your voice,” or I talk to him on the phone (finally, last night) and I hear him tell me he’s been protecting me, and it puts it–and my head–in proper perspective again. I am so needy at times it makes me sick. But that really is all it takes. To know, to hear, that he misses me, that he wants me there, and I feel okay again. Not happy about him not letting me be there to care for him, but on sure footing again in our relationship. I know, I know–he tells me all the time that I shouldn’t question that or feel these anxieties, but the fact is I do. I am learning not to react (overly much) about them though. “You can’t control how you feel, but you can control how you react.” That’s my mantra, that is the shining example of being a “better person” that I reach for and hope to achieve, and, slowly, I am.

Of course, it took me three days to call him after he emailed me, because I was still crabby at him for not letting me be there.  I didn’t say that I don’t react, just that I am learning. Baby steps.

I had really sweet moment when we talked.  I am sure I am projecting too much onto this one phrase (especially as I am the one that brought it up) but he was telling me why he hadn’t allowed me near him while he’s been sick. Personally, I think he was being excessive about it, and he admitted to it, echoing my own “You’re being over-protective.” But when he said it, it wasn’t an indictment, it was an admission of caring that completely disarmed me.  He is very protective of me, caring and concerned in a way that speaks volumes about him as a person, and about our relationship in general.  And made me realize that for all his protestations of wanting to be alone when he’s sick, if it hadn’t been for my surgery coming up, and him wanting to protect my health prior to that, he would have allowed me to come over, and probably appreciated having me there.  He was sacrificing for me, not being difficult or stubborn.


So yeah, as I said, my week’s looking up.

Got most of my shopping done. As odd as this may seem, although I hate to do the decorating stuff at Christmas, and have issues with the celebration of Christmas in general (for information on the real origins of Christmas, read here), I really, truly love the excuse to shop for presents for my loved ones. Not that I need an excuse to give presents, but having one gives me license to indulge myself (and them.) I get to hunt for just the right thing and I get to spend hours shopping, dealing with the hustle and bustle of the stores, which I love.  It’s the exact opposite of how I feel about shopping in general (unless I am on the hunt for a perfect pair of shoes.) And giving presents just makes me happy. To see someone’s face when I hit the gift-nail on the head gives me more satisfaction than getting a gift ever could. I am sure these feelings have narcissism at their roots, but you know what? I don’t care. I love it.

Anyway, got most of that done, as well as a handmade gift that I have been working on for weeks. I thought it would take a few days to complete, but it took far longer than that, and honestly, I’m not thrilled with the end result. (Sigh. I’m a bit of a perfectionist when it comes to these projects, which means I need to start NOW for the upcoming year’s gifts.)  But Ad says it’s beautiful, and it will have to do–if for no other reason than that it is a testament to my new “follow-thru” philosophy. LOL  I need to complete two smaller projects this week, but those really should take just a couple hours each.

This morning I am going to hit the gym and run a bit. I am not sure if I should even be worrying about working out, as I will probably be unable to be back at it for 6-8 weeks after my surgery, but (as Ad notes) working out makes me feel good in my head–it has nothing to do with being in “shape.” So I need to do it.

I spend the next two nights at W’s. I could hardly stand it when he said I could come over last night.  I wanted to drive over there right then, but realized I had no work clothes, nor my laptop, etc., so had to postpone it until today.

Wednesday our office closes early, and then is shut until January 3rd. Wednesday afternoon the Missy and I are grocery shopping for a dessert and cookie making extravaganza that we are having on Thursday. So far on the list are sugar cookies, cinnamon-sugar pinwheels, white-chocolate peppermint bark, Kahlua-chocolate cheesecake and my infamous chocolate chunk brownies.  She is making a list of several other cookies to make, and we are going to spend all day Thursday baking.

Oh yeah, that reminds me, need to get a tin for the cookies, so that I can wrap them and keep them from the marauding hordes before we head out to my sister’s on Saturday.

And last but not least, quite by accident (because I haven’t been keeping up with my blog reading) I ran across a fellow blogger’s “Top Blogs 2010” list, and found APL on it! I was enormously flattered and pleased to be listed among that august company.  The list is a good one, with many great bloggers on it, and a few new ones that I hadn’t heard about.  Head on over there and check it out!


Dreams

November 29, 2010

I dreamed about my dad last night.  I do that much more occasionally now, but even so, even after–christ, what’s it been? 30 years?–even after all this time, it takes me a few minutes after I wake up to remember he’s dead.  And I have to relive it all, just for a minute, the pain, the sadness, the loss. These dreams are bittersweet in a way though, because they are the only time I get to see my father anymore.  For that very reason, I’m not sure if I would give them up, even if I do have to relive his loss all over in the morning.

This time I also dreamed about my brother. In an odd twist, I dreamed I was talking to my dad, trying to convince him that my brother wasn’t dead, and that I’d spoken to him and that we were all going to go camping together. It’s the camping part that clued me in as to why I was dreaming of my dad, though. There’s a new guy that I’ve been talking to on OKC that used to live in Oregon. For some reason talking to him got me thinking about driving the PCH with my dad when I was younger and camping in the back of his old Chevy pickup at Half Moon Bay and farther up the coast.  In my dream I was trying to talk my dad into taking the drive again so we could meet my brother, who used to live on the Northern California coast, in Humboldt County.  It’s odd to miss a brother that I never really knew, but I woke up missing him as well as my father.

And missing the rocky California coastline, the trees, the gray, choppy water, the fog. My daughter mentioned in a FB post that she wants to visit CA to “visit her roots.” Such an odd sentiment to me. I feel rootless most of the time, and though I long for the coast, it has nothing to do with feeling like it’s home. Still, perhaps I could take her there, on that same drive that my dad and I took during the summers of my childhood.


A Timely Reminder

November 11, 2010

I don’t know how she does it, but my daughter must have ESP.  I was laying in bed, reading a book (a novel of the aftermath of a nuclear war, now there’s an uplifting topic) and I get a text message from her.  “Go check email.”

I hem and haw, say I am in bed and don’t want to get up to look at it.  She insists. “It’s worth it,” she says. So I drag my sorry ass out of bed, and this is what my beautiful, amazing daughter has sent me:

She does the darnedest things, that girl.   How can I be such a sad sack when I have her in my life?  Time to start counting my blessings rather than whining about unimportant things.

The collage is now on my desktop to remind me of what’s important.


Weekend Update

September 27, 2010

W’s out of town this week, so I am practicing my “I’m just a normal mom/girlfriend/psuedo-daughter-in-law/daughter” facade, checking everyone’s schedule, driving kids around, working out, writing, reading, planning dinners and making a grocery list (slow cooker food even!), doing all those normal mom/girlfriend type things–you know, the ones that don’t involve kink. Cuz my kink-guy is outta town. (sad face) Even he is pretending to be a normal person–he’s at his daughter’s place on the East Coast, waiting for her to have her baby, his first grandchild. Wow, huh? My kinky guy’s gonna be a grandpa! Part of me wishes that (well sometimes) we were a “normal” couple, and that I could get to know his daughter/grandchild.  You know, share in that? But I guess vicariously will have to do.  And hell, I make a lousy in-law with Ad’s family, and they are pretty awesome, so what am I saying? Why add to the weight of familial obligation?

I do pretty much have my week scheduled out though. This morning I dropped off the BoyChild at school (remembering to give him lunch money–I haven’t forgotten once yet! Go me…) and went to the gym.  Ran two miles and did some weights, and, um…bleh, I’m already a bit tight.  :-(  That’s what happens to lazy girls. Missy, her bf, the BC, Ad, me are home for dinner tonight, so I need to figure out what to make…oh yumm, just found a recipe for chicken enchilada casserole…!  Loving allrecipes.com and their “recipe box” feature.  And making a weekly menu makes me feel like a “real” mom.  lol  Tomorrow I drive the BC to school again, but I am planning to go to a workout class with my workmates tomorrow night–my first at the new gym–so don’t think I’ll hit the gym in the AM. I’d like to get some writing done, real writing on a new project, maybe I’ll grab me a coffee & a bagel and write at the cafe for an hour or so before work.  So, Tuesday night…slow cooker night? Wednesday is open (daughter & bf home, BC not.)  I was thinking about meeting a new guy from OKC for a drink, but…naw.  Think I’ll go home on time and hang with the kids and Ad.  So that means cooking dinner. (That’s three meals to plan!) Then Thursday is another gym class night, so, another easy or slow cooker night.

Sheesh sounds like all I do is think about food (and it’s true, I do, all the time!) but really, I kind of enjoy making dinner with Ad. It’s a really nice way to unwind from the day, and finding all these new recipes to try is a lot of fun.  Maybe not as much fun as getting tied up and messed with…or maybe it is.  It’s just a different kind of fun.

***********************************************

I had a pretty good weekend. Started with my boss giving me the okay to work one day a week from home, so I’m thrilled about that!  Already set it up so that I’ll be (most weeks) at W’s the night before, so I can combine “I’m an office slave” play with work. ;-)  Then Friday night was a “special” date.  That went…well.  I mean, the guy was thrilled, and it wasn’t awful, in that it was all for W, and that was hot, knowing that all the while he would be waiting to hear all about it, knowing he wanted me there, knowing that this guy knew, all through drinks and smalltalk, that he was going to get laid, because W had said so…  And knowing that the guy really felt…I don’t know, like he’d won the lottery or had dreamed his good fortune in getting the opportunity to spend and evening with me. It’s flattering, and from the angle of wanting to give, of really feeling submissive, it worked. It wasn’t great sex, but the sex I had with W on Saturday, while I told him about it, and then later again, was great.  But that was just as I had assumed it would be.  It’s always that way…it makes me so fucking hot to know I’ve done what he wanted, that I’ve pleased him, and to feel the pressure of his pushing me to go there. And, yes, to know I gave this guy something he might not have had the chance to experience otherwise.

Along that tangent, it always amazes me when a man says, “God, I’ve never met a woman that would do that!” (whatever “that” is) when it seems like such a normal thing to me.  Or, “I’ve never met a woman that likes sex so much!” And, of course, most have never met someone that will look them right in the eye and say, “My Owner has told me to satisfy you sexually.  Will you allow me to do that?”  One thing he (W) has given to me in all this is a sense of being…special. Unusual, and possibly…desired for that.  Sought after, even. I mentioned that before in terms of BDSM, that BDSM really gave me an understanding of how much my “differentness” made me special and desirable. And now…he’s shown me how my sexuality and sensuality makes me special too.  Wanted.  And when he says, “You’re hot!” I’m starting to believe it.  To feel it.  And not just because I’ll spread my legs, or let someone tie me up and hurt me. But because I’m…me.

I’m not trying to be self-deprecating or falsely modest here.  I do know I am an attractive woman.  But I have just never been “that” girl, you know, someone that men actively (and openly) look at, lust over, watch. And now…sometimes…I am. And…it’s kinda cool.

And yet, as wonderful as all that is, Saturday was spent trying to get through the particular kind of “drop” I always get after I do these things. It’s weird…similar (very) to subdrop, but without the subspace incident that usually precipitates such. It’s (I guess) a sort of reaction to doing something this…emotionally edgy for me. I am in this heightened state of anxiety for so long, and then deeply in this space where I am so focused on him that I almost…lose myself in my desire to please him, but then, when it’s over, I kind of have to come back to myself, and sometimes, well, I still suffer from feelings of guilt, of being “bad” that I can’t seem to shake no matter how much I tell myself it’s not bad, what I do.  And then, I need to work through those. Generally, I work through them by spending time with W, feeling and experiencing his very real admiration of me and what I do for him & for others, and know that it really is okay, what I do.

Or he fucks me silly, and makes it better that way. lol

Seriously though, I really need to be with him afterward.  For the first time this time, we tried having me going home to Ad, and it just didn’t work. Nothing against Ad, and in fact I highly praise him, because when I mentioned my low feelings of Saturday day, before I’d got to see W, he said, “Well, of course you were feeling down. You do this for him, with him, you need to be with him after.  I just don’t get it the way he does, and I can’t give you what you need to come back from it.” What a lovely, smart man he is.

So, in future, if we can’t schedule me being with W after, it will have to not happen until we can. I did get to spend Saturday afternoon and evening with him, and then the next morning (of my Sleeping in Chains post) and had a lovely scene later that afternoon before I took him to the airport, which was perfect for getting me recentered and feeling “normal” again, but the hours spent in a funk Saturday morning, avoiding him and everyone else, were not so good, even if they looked good on the outside (facial at a spa, library, shopping & a yummy (expensive) lunch alone at a favorite restaurant.) Alone-time is not good for my emotional state when I am in the throes of that.  It did all come right though, and Sunday morning I “woke up” feeling my usual sexy, sassy, happy self.

I do wish I could give W that bouncy, excited girl that he wants me to be after I do this stuff without the sad-girl part, though. I know he doesn’t understand why I suffer, and, more than wanting me to be bouncy for him, he probably just plain doesn’t like seeing me suffer needlessly. (Unless, of course, he is directly causing it, because he wants me to. Then it’s okay. lol) But for me, knowing I am not what he wants me to be only makes it worse. I hate to fail him, even in small ways, even when I know he doesn’t see it that way. It’s like being short.  I can’t change that about myself, but knowing he prefers tall women makes me feel a little less because I am not. And yet he would never phrase it that way, I am sure.  It’s stupid of me, I know!

Anyway, enough useless rambling…this is starting to be a “poor pitiful me” post, when it is certainly not meant to be.  Maybe I am just feeling down because he’s away, it’s after 5pm there, and I haven’t heard a peep out of him. I know we’re not a “real” couple (see above) but at least he could let me know he is there and safe.  This is when I truly resent the shit out of the fact that he doesn’t text.

Sigh.

Okay, off to the grocery and home to Ad and kids and making a yummy dinner, and maybe, later, some warm, loving “vanilla” sex with my boyfriend. That’ll make me feel better.


Funny things my kids say…

September 13, 2010

So we all know about my snotty-faced, allergy-infested self.  I’m sniffly, sneezy, red-eyed and miserable–and oh so attractive.  (rolling eyes) So tonight, on the couch, snuggling up to Ad after having napped off my exhaustion from a sleepless night, he chuckles.

“What’s funny?” I say.

“You just make me happy,” he replies. “You’re so snuggly and sweet and, I don’t know, endearing.”

My daughter, sitting on the other end of the couch, says, without missing a beat, “Yeah, because allergies are so endearing.”

And the BoyChild says from across the room, “If you think allergies are endearing, my mother is the woman for you.”

Yeah, gotta love my kids.

Here’s another endearing thing about me: I have a big toenail that’s going to come off. (O-M-G, I know! Sooo sexy! I am just a big ball of sexy this week!)  It happened because I stupidly wore my too small hiking shoes on a hike my daughter and I had taken, damaging my toenail to the point where it is now lifting and certainly going to come off eventually.

And I can’t keep from messing with it.

Ad notices and grabs my hands to stop me.

“Do we have to put cones on your hands?” the daughter says.  This garners much hilarity for the three of them, as they mime my attempts to manage household tasks with giant plastic cones on my hands.

And then, when we are talking (between sneezes) about my birthday plans, The Missy says, “So, Mom, did you ask Ad for a pony for your birthday?”

And I think about spending all day emailing W back and forth about ponygirl gear, and finding the perfect name for Black Pony, and I blush and grin and catch Ad’s eye. And open my mouth and almost say, “No, but I get to be a pony for my birthday!”

Actually, I don’t. But close enough.


Stress Puppy

July 28, 2010

I had an especially Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day yesterday. (Bonus points if you that can name where that came from.) But today is much better.

Of course it was the lack of sleep that framed everything else, colored it gray, and then black, and made everything that much worse. But work was hard hard hard, and I think would have made my day suck even if I had had enough sleep the night before.   I found out that I am being forced to try to get something accomplished in an unreasonably short period of time, and that this something is in a system that I have never worked in. So I am not only on a deadline that I would have a hard time making even if I knew what the fuck I was doing, I don’t, so I have to teach myself the program as I go. Great.  And to top it off, I am in the middle of another huge project for our staff conference next week, learning a process that I have to train 20 people on next week, creating training manuals and trying to get that together…and then I just discovered, when I had 3/4 of the damn thing done, that I’ve been doing it the wrong way (!) so have to redo the whole seminar and training session/manual, etc.

By, um, tomorrow, so I can preview it with my boss.

OMG.  Can you see the stress oozing out of my pores? No, oozing is too slow. I am DROWNING in stress.  It is pouring out of me in big tidal waves.

But…I have a feeling, when all is said and done and goes well, when I have accomplished this huge fucking stress-inducing mess, that…I’ll feel good. I think W hinted at that last night. He talked about how he kind of misses that “omg this has to get done, it has to get done now!” feeling, and I realized, when he said it, that it does make one feel alive, knowing that you are an integral piece of things, and are making things happen.  Thinking about this and acknowledging that has helped me to reframe things in my mind and put it into a positive perspective for me.  Which led to sleeping well last night and coming in this AM to have a good discussion with my boss, which led to my bit of good news–I am getting a bonus! So that helped make my day better.

I wonder if this “bonus” is because she was afraid I was going to quit yesterday. lol Bottom line, I don’t care why I am getting it…it is much appreciated and needed right now, what with doctor bills and such appearing.


Funny discussion with the Boychild yesterday morning before work.

Me: Boychild, wake up. I need to talk to you.
No movement. Not even an eyelid twitch.
Me: Boychild, seriously, wake up.
Much shaking of foot and then shoulder ensues. A moan from the Boychild. An eyelid twitch, and then an actual eye opening.
Him: Wha–? Time is it?
Me: Listen. You have a physical for school today at the doctors. You have to be at your dad’s before 1pm. You need to get your sister to drop you at your dad’s at 12:30. Can you remember that?
Him: Yeah. Okay.
He rolls over, buries head in pillows.
Me: Repeat what I just said.
Him (from beneath pillows): Mmmph.
Me (pulling pillow off face): BOYCHILD, wake up and pay attention. Repeat what I just said.
Him: What’d you say?
I repeat instructions. And tell him to repeat them back to me.
Him: Appointment with physical therapist at 3pm.
Huh? I repeat times again and that it is a high school physical.
Him: Have to be at dad’s at 1, doctor appointment at 12:30.
I sit on his bed and lift him by the shoulders, get inches away from his face.
Me: WAKE UP!
Him: Okay okay, you don’t have to get all mad and stuff!

After two more tries, he gets it right. Two hours later, I get a call. “Mom, what time is my doctor appointment and where is it?”

~shaking my head~ It must be the heat in summer that turns their little brains to mush.


Martha Stewart and Me

July 25, 2010

I did my Martha Stewart imitation ALL weekend. Totally rocked it, cleaning, re-organizing closets and one child’s bedroom, working in the garden & cooking all kinds of yummies for the family, hanging with the GirlChild and her BF, staying home with the Boychild and giving Ad many blowjobs and one sexy round of ass-up sex to make up for all the sucking and fucking he missed while I was at W’s this past week.

Oh wait, Martha probably doesn’t have “blowjobs and ass-up sex” listed on her calendar.  Guess that’s where she and I diverge.  Thank goodness.

Really, it was a great weekend, even if the only kink I got was playing on the Net on Fetlife, looking at and uploading sexy pics, writing and reading smut, writing blog posts and flirting on Twitter. What, Martha Stewart doesn’t have a kink blog or broadcast about her sexlife on Twitter and Fetlife?  What’s that you say? She doesn’t even have a Fetlife account?

Poor Martha.  How very boring life must be.

I love my life.

Tomorrow starts a long, work-and-family oriented week before a play party on Saturday and then a trip to Dallas the week following for a staff conference, at which I am doing two training sessions.  It’s a big deal–I am not on the senior team, and no others not on the senior team have done training sessions at our staff conferences before. But because of this odd, not-management-but-not-regular-staff position that I occupy, that’s exactly what I am doing.

God I don’t want to fall flat on my face.

And now, I am off to do dishes and then make us all brownie sundaes (made with my super-duper world-famous brownies) topped with vanilla ice cream and sugared fresh strawberries. Tomorrow I am up at 5:30 AM to start my week.

Wish me luck.


Busy is Good

June 24, 2010

I got up early this morning feeling inexplicably better than I did yesterday afternoon.  Nothing’s different–except my outlook. (smile)  Then as I was going through my email I saw my horoscope:

Thursday, Jun 24th, 2010 – If you are feeling better now, you might not be sure what exactly happened that changed your outlook. But don’t waste time trying to figure it out. Be careful; self-doubt can set the stage for a deeper level of uncertainty. If you place enough energy into worrying, something will undoubtedly go wrong. But the potential is even more obvious when you’re already on a spiritual high. Concentrate your hopeful attitude on a positive outcome.

Nice.

I’m trying to figure out weekend plans now. I was supposed to see the BoyChild last night to help him with some summer homework, but he had a date (!), so instead I went over to the house with Ad and worked on a blog post while he did some house repairs for the new renters who are moving into the house in July.  It was a quiet, restful evening, and looking through pictures of some of the scenes W and I have done cheered me (and made me hot.  Damn that man has done some yummy things to me!)  So tonight I am getting with Boychild after he has karate. I’ll have some time in between work and then, so I think I may either run or hike.  I always forget how good exercise is for me when my head is bad.

The Missy’s 18th birthday is Friday. I am trying to figure out if she is doing something that night with her friends or Saturday, so Ad and I can decide which night to backpack & camp. If we do that Friday, then Saturday we’ll either do something with the Missy when we get back and then go to the party Saturday night, or take her out to dinner to celebrate that night. I’d like to get all dressed up slutty and go out Saturday night to the play party, but I think it’s probably either going to be kid stuff or camping for us.  Sunday is a small get together for rope enthusiasts at a friend’s house and then dinner afterward.  We (meaning Ad and I) have been invited several times, and W has apparently been on the list for the group for a long time, but he’s never gone, for whatever reason, and Ad has never considered himself enough of a “rope guy” to go. Still, they’re all people that we know (at least marginally) and I really think the slow methodical-ness of “pretty” rope play will appeal to Ad, if he gives it a try.

Busy is good.


Being Known

June 11, 2010

I talk occasionally (or maybe more than occasionally, maybe I drone on and on about it!) about how fractured I sometimes feel in regards to my “real” life, who I really am, the way I live, and what my coworkers know about me/who they think I am.  Well, sometimes, I am reminded that while they may not know everything about me, there are some here that know enough about me, enough to make me feel…known. Cared about.

Case in point. A woman in my office came into my office this morning holding up a set of wind chimes.  “Do you like wind chimes?” she asked.  Sure, I said, I love them.

She smiled. “I knew you would!  I found these in a box,” she continued. “Ed,” (her partner) “can’t stand the sound, but as soon as I saw them I thought of you. I knew you’d love them.  Here, they’re for you.” As she said this she was making them sway gently, and I was already smiling hugely. Not just because of the beautiful sound, or because of the gift, but because she really did know that about me.

Sometimes, it is enough to have just pieces of ourselves known.


So, yeah, I’m back from our trip. It’s been fun recounting to Ad our adventures–and then listening to The Missy do the same, with her own peculiar particular slant on it. I do so love that girl. Overall we had a great time, although (for me) there was too much down-time! There were so many things that I would have liked to do, if I had had another (or additional) companion.  She and I do have different vacation styles, and all-in-all it worked out (I don’t object to laying around by the pool for days!) but really I prefer to mix up my lay-abouts with exploring new places and having adventures. Ad laughed at me and said even in this I need multiple partners, so they can vacation tag-team me.

And so of course I started imagining he and I and W on vacation together…

I got back around 5pm and then had my first class for the summer class I am taking. I almost decided to withdraw from it, but Ad convinced me to stay, because 1) it’s my last class for graduation; 2) it’s a short class (ends July 16);  and 3) it’s primarily online, so that I only have to show up for one additional class.  So, all good reasons, and I stuck with it.  It looks like it may even be interesting, so I am glad I did.  And I am really proud of the fact that I got the textbook for >$15, WITH expedited shipping, by shopping online, thanks to a friend’s tip.  Hooray!  It should get here Monday or Tuesday.


The BoyChild has a movie date tonight. It’s so weird, my kids growing up.  Course I still gotta give him the money for it, but…he’s on his way to young adulthood. Wow.  Who woulda thunk it.


Ad is upstairs making spaghetti for dinner and I am heading up there in a sec. The edges of missing W are much less sharp with Ad around, and for that I am immensely grateful.  It is one of the benefits of being poly, definitely.  It’s still hard though, and I keep thinking about and devising ways to keep close to him in my head and heart to combat this feeling of being so completely cut-off.  It does seem to help, and with that in mind, tomorrow should be a lot of fun.  And that’s all I got to say about that.  (wicked grin)

I also can’t wait until he figures out what I’m doing to “keep him close.” (At least in my mind.)  I hope that it helps take his mind off being away from me, too.


Things we saw on our walk yesterday

June 6, 2010

They're quite a bit smaller than their loud voices would indicate.

Every morning I wake to the sound of these really loud birds screeching outside our door. As loud as they are, I figured they must be as big as golden retrievers, and hearing them of course I think about W’s rooster every morning, but never I could never catch sight of them when I stuck my head out the door.

Until this morning. (Aww!  Babies!)

We went to get coffee and croissants and then to the grocery yesterday morning, then came back and vegged in the air conditioning, too worn out by the heat to contemplate doing anything else.  But then later I made The Missy take a walk from our beach at the condo to Playa los Muertos at the Malecon. It’s about a three mile walk and we were tired at the end, but it was beautiful, walking along the beach in the cooling afternoon breezes.

We played in the surf.   The Missy makes a good Sea Goddess.

We saw a fisherman.

I splashed around too.

The Missy “saved” a jellyfish, and wanted to save the puffer fish, too, but it was far too late.

The pelican was in much better shape.

And the two brides we saw were in even better condition.

The shape of this piece of driftwood was obvious even to my daughter.

"It's penis wood, Mom!"

And the shape I am in, after a lovely massage on the beach for The Missy and I, two glasses of wine, and a delightful chat with W & Ad before bed, is also obvious.

Can you say happy & relaxed?

Good night & sweet dreams to you both!


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