Our maintenance guy just cleared off my windowsill for the window cleaner and when he pulled down my fern, its fronds were all smashed flat on one side, where it had pushed up against the window. Kinda looks like my hair in the morning, all frizzy and kinky except where I slept on it, where it’s flat. lol
My SO finally got a profile on FetLife, after all this time. I think it’s kinda cute…he’s the anti-communication-via-computer person and only uses it to play WoW, so it was odd to me at first that he wanted to be on there, but as the gf pointed out, we (she and I and W) all talk about FL, I meet people on there, we reference people, pictures and discussions from it all the time, so why wouldn’t he want to be a part? Made sense to me. I just asked him to minimize his usual penchant for silliness. God love the man, but sometimes he can be really silly. And no, I don’t think BDSM has to be all serious and shit, but there IS a line. It’s kind of strange maybe, but that is probably why I can’t truly submit to him–BDSM should be enjoyable, and so I love when we play and it’s all fun and silliness and whatever, but to go deep I need seriousness. I need that fissure of anxiety, a little fear maybe, to really be there, in that headspace.
And here’s another thing about that, something that surprised me when I said it (and so I am having to turn it over in my mind, examine it, decide if it’s good or bad.) “Look,” I said, when he wanted to post something totally off-the-wall goofy on a picture, “this is my social network here. What you say/do will reflect on me. Please don’t say anything too silly.” I wanted to stuff the words back into my head the minute I said them. Eeew…first for that whole “reflects on me” arrogant bullshit, and second for wanting to censor him. Yuck. I cringe just thinking about it. But…there it is, and it’s the truth. I’m not on Facebook or MySpace or any of those things, just here and FL, and it IS, well, my social network. And if he says something totally bizarro, or comes across as an idiot (which he is most assuredly not) online, then…yeah, he’s on my profile as my SO, and that reflects on me, and I have kind of my established presence there, not that it’s all that, but still.
The only reason I even worry about it is that he comes from a totally different headspace where BDSM is concerned. It’s all play, there isn’t a serious bone in his body about it, and he totally doesn’t get the D/s aspect of it at all. And doesn’t want to. He thinks it’s a ridiculous, pompous, affectation. And a lot of times it is. But even to people that ARE pompous idiots about it, they believe in it, so who am I to judge them? I mean, he will laugh out loud in the middle of watching a scene at times, and just cringe. Because seriously, it’s rude. But the thing is, to him, most times he is just expressing his pleasure. It’s a verbal mannerism. Only sometimes he is actually laughing at the participants…but they don’t know which he is doing, and it’s embarrassing to me for him to be laughing while someone is in a serious scene.
The other (less selfish) aspect is that I know he’s a great guy, and frankly a LOT of fun to play with, and I don’t want people to think wrongly of him and not like him. I want everyone to love the man I love. :-)
I got hit on at Subway yesterday. Subway! Of all places. I don’t get hit on in any of the normal venues, no, like when I am all looking hot at a bar or something. But sit me at a sandwich shop counter, stuffing my face full of deli meat and doing my homework like a good little girl, and THAT’S where I get hit on. He was actually a nice guy (at least had all his teeth) and teaches English at the community college I attend. Gave me his cell AND office phone AND his email, so we could get in touch about the creative writing class he is teaching in the spring. Course when he asked what I write I didn’t tell him “smut,” I just said fiction, which he said he’d love to read, and to have an experienced writer in his class would be great since mostly they are youngsters in there. Haha! And when I bring in a piece like, oh the one I’m may write for Alison Tyler’s Just Been Fucked contest, won’t THAT be a riot?
Speaking of writing, there’s a new writing prompt over at supplicium post mortem called Midweek Missed Connections. At some point I may write one, just for fun, but the part that amused me was looking at the link for the Craig’s List Missed Connections ads–what fun that is! I never knew they even had them. I remember looking at the RFT (local paper) every so often and reading the missed connections ads-used to love them. Used to imagine some dark handsome stranger catching my eye at the gas station and longing for me enough to place an ad about me! Of course it never happened, but still. Craig’s List Missing Connections might become my new obsession.
And last but not least (for the moment): My SO and I have a date night tonight. But because I am a schoolgirl, I had to revise our plans a little so I could do homework while dating. We’re going to go to the Botanical Gardens to listen to free live music under the stars. That way I can lay on the blanket, listen to music, flirt with my guy–and do polynomials and exponents. Woohoo!