Well, that’s done. My final is over – no more algebra (as fun as having W tease me with negative numbers has been) for another month. I am certain I passed the final, and got a 90, 94 & 87 on my section tests, so passing the class isn’t a question, but I just didn’t feel as confident in what I’ve learned as I had been. It’s not a matter of the grade, since I took the class for myself, to learn or re-learn the stuff I’ll need to know to succeed at the college algebra class. It’s that I want
to feel like I can learn this stuff, and feel confident that I have a good enough grasp to be successful, to keep up in the next class. And honestly? I don’t think I did. When it came down to the comprehensive test, there were a lot of things I realized I had already forgotten. Very frustrating.
But. It’s done. Until the end of August, at least, when it starts over for another 16 weeks. (sigh)
Sometimes I do wonder why I am doing it. What is it about me that can’t let this go, that feels that this one failure on my part, the inability to pass this fucking college algebra class, indicates a failure in me as a person? But it’s true. That is exactly how I feel. Logically I know that passing the thing will not make a bit of real difference in me, in how I feel about myself, or in my life in general – well except actually having at least the Associate of Arts degree might be nice, ya think, since I have like a bazillion college credits and nothing to show for it but a lot of useless knowledge (and the pleasure of taking classes.)
I have been pleasantly surprised by the support of my kids, Ad and W in this endevour, though. Like, they really care that I finish it and succeed. And maybe even get why I have to. W even limited himself to a totally vanilla date last night–even to going and getting ice cream!–rather than do the things he really wanted to do to me, so that I’d be at my best for my final. And yes, I admit I was a little disappointed (I am nothing if not a playslut!) but also intensely grateful to him for caring that I do well. For saying, more than once, “Math comes first,” and meaning it.
I’ve been finding some wonderful blogs via Twitter, and plan to do a round-up soon of the new ones I’ve started following. There’s some seriously good writers out there, and people with a whole lot of interesting, incisive things to say. At times I am almost intimidated, and I never have enough time to read & follow-up on all that I read, much less write about anything nearly as good here or over at Pieces of Jade.
Hmm, this seems to be a theme of mine: feeling like I’m not measuring up. (sigh) I’ve been on a bit of a downer all week. Obviously I need to get my head right again…just not sure how to do it. Well, maybe a couple days out of town, hanging with the kids and The Girl & Ad will do me good. I can not wait to get on the road out of town this weekend. Well, I could maybe wait to get on the road, the kids just made me realize that we are going to be stuck in our little car with the four of us and the dog. And he’s a big dog. Huh. That’s gonna suck. But the weekend won’t, I’m sure. Sun, waterpark, my kids and my loves–woohoo! Is it noon on Friday yet?