I hate first dates. Sincerely and deeply. Funny thing for a girl that has quite a few, wouldn’t you say? But I have been told that I give good first date, so my anxiety and trepidations about them must not translate when I am in the midst of the actual event. And actually, once I am there, once I have found the person that I am first-dating, I am fine. It’s actually the “trying to figure out who he or she is in the crowd” part that I dislike so much. And that’s because I have horrible face-recognition and am terribly near-sighted. And I have a deep-seated terror of walking up to the wrong person! (In fact one of the anxiety dreams I used to have was one in which I did just that: walked up and put my hand in someone’s hand, or on his belt loop, or my arm around his waist, only to discover to my horror that it was a stranger. Acute embarrassment.) But I’ve gotten better at even that part, mostly because I have started warning people: you will probably need to walk up to me, as I probably won’t recognize you. That usually works.
And then, as I have said, once there, once we are talking, I generally enjoy myself quite a bit. There are very few people that I can’t find something interesting in, and I love talking to and listening to people, getting to know them.
So yeah, last night I had a first date with a guy I have been calling the Aussie Guy. For the obvious reason that he hails from Australia. It was a good date, as these things go. We haven’t been emailing that long, and he doesn’t chat, so it was kind of blind-date-ish, but I didn’t mind that so much. I have found that I’d rather get this first meeting over with quickly, relatively early on in communications, so that we can both ascertain if there is any real connection there before we get too hot and heavy in email and electronic communications.
In one of those coincidence things, Maura Kelly talks about first date chemistry (or lack thereof) in her Year of Living Flirtatiously blog. In it, she asks if she jumped the gun in telling a guy that she liked a lot after the date, but didn’t feel that “spark” with, that there was no chemistry. I tend to think that yes, she did, as I have known chemistry to be a finicky thing, and the lack of it occurring instantly, or the fact that it does occur instantly, is not always the best thing to base a relationship on. Yes, it has got to be there if you’re going to have red-hot first-date sex, but barring that, I have found that sexual chemistry and sparks can occur long after the initial time I meet someone, and at times quite unexpectedly.
Which brings me to my date last night. I didn’t feel that surge of adrenaline and heat during our date, but I did like him and found him amusing, interesting and a good conversationalist. We had a glass of wine and talked for about an hour and a half, then he walked me out to my car. At that point I was happy with the outcome and looked forward to the possibility of getting to know him better, but hadn’t felt that spark, you know? Then as we reached my car, he reached out and touched my arm, just ran his hand along it as he told me how much he had enjoyed our date. It was such a natural, self-confident touch that I felt myself respond to it, even though I’d not felt that spark earlier. It wasn’t a wild surge or anything, but I love a man with confidence enough to touch a woman in a simple, sensual way. Yeah, he scored points with that one. ;-)
I did get a kick out of texting my gf while I was waiting for him to show up. “I hate first dates! When you move here will you go with me on all my first dates?” She said of course, or she would even go on them for me, and then pass them along to me if they passed muster. Course, the problem with that is we often have different criteria for what turns us on in men, in spite of the fact that she seems to enjoy the attentions of all of “my” men that I have introduced her to. So who knows, maybe I’d like “her” men too! hehe
In other news, the SO and I are taking an overnight away at the end of September and going to the wineries, just he and I. I date a lot, get out and about quite a bit, and spend a lot of time with my Others, and every once in awhile we just need to stop and be just the two of us, no work, no kids, no others. I am looking forward to it!