Giving

When everybody loves me, I will never be lonely
I will never be lonely
I will never be lonely

But when everybody loves me
I’m going to be just about as happy as I can be

There’s these lyrics to a song that I love, and that I sometimes think are my mantra, even though I don’t want them to be, because I don’t want to need to be loved by everyone.  Because I’m okay if everyone doesn’t love me.  Right?

Right.

But sometimes, I feel like that. Like I need everyone to love me, or I won’t be whole, I won’t be validated, I will be all alone and unloved.

Which is purest horseshit.

I know this.  I just need to remind myself of it at times. Sometimes, forcibly.

An open and giving heart sometimes means giving, even when it hurts. Because it is the right thing to do. Because that is what it means to love someone else. To love them enough to give them something that maybe you want for yourself.

And here’s the beauty of this. When you give, it all comes back to fill you back up. Even as I let go, I feel it, coming back to me tenfold, filling me, replenishing me, nourishing me. Love given away is love returned.

And then, because serendipity is my middle name, I see this come across on Twitter (via @polymatchmaker):

“Maybe the definition of bliss should b the idea that 1 can have a truly open heart w/o fear of loss or unjustified jealousy.”

Yes.

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One Response to Giving

  1. Michelle says:

    I am the same in a way…I want everyone to love me…and when they don’t – it’s a really hard pill for me to swallow.

    *HUGS*

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