He said he was gonna put me on a shelf…

Actually, he said he was going to clear a shelf off for me to put my clothes on, and he did.  Then he put me on it.

(It’s a really high, really small shelf–at least if you’re a normal-sized, scared-of-heights girl trying to get–and stay–on it.)

I think our relationship has turned a corner. Changed from one thing, this thing we had in the beginning, to…something else, something more. It wasn’t him giving me a shelf in his closet.  He lets me keep anything I want at his house; he likes my shoes and clothes and things there; I have a key.  It’s just been more of a subtle shift in how he looks at me sometimes. In the way he talked to me last night on the phone, when he knew I was in trouble and was worried about me. It was in his face when he saw that I had arrived at his house, safe and sound.

Last night I was stupid and drank too much and ended up at W’s because I couldn’t drive home. And we ended up doing that wild, animal fucking that we do, but before that, before that he held me, so tightly, like he’d been worried about me, for real. And that’s when I really knew that things were…different. It feels like holding a small, fragile bird in my hands, a tender delicate thing that I am afraid to hold too tight, lest I squash it. But there it is, in my hands, alive and warm, and when I hold it close it warms me, too.


Ad has not just one but two dates tomorrow.  A lunch date with…hell, all three women that he has dated or dates or might be dating have names that begin with J.  Too funny.  Let’s see.  Tomorrow day is the girl that we used to date together, then he just dated her, and now they are mostly friends.  We’ll call her DragonGirl, or DG, because she has two giant dragons tattooed on her chest.  And she has large enough breasts that they really are GIANT dragons.  The second J is our sometime-girlfriend, mostly just a friend now though.  And tomorrow night he is taking out the third J, who also goes by R, the ex of someone I (and girlfriend-J) dated and with whom I have remained close.  (Honestly, this is a whole other post, the way poly networks ebb and flow.)

Anyway…he and J/R have a for-real first date tomorrow night. I encouraged him to ask her out one day while he, W and I were laying in bed talking, and I was amazed at how eagerly he took me up on it.  I am so excited for him! She is so many of the things that he likes, from her physical appearance to her…sweetness is the only way to put it, even a kind of reserve that echoes his own, to the fact that they are both kind of new (and not edgy/scary) in BDSM.  I think they may really be in sync there (although it’s only a guess at this point) but she strikes me as sweetly submissive, gentle in it, and willing-and wanting-to be led slowly into it.  I think he loves being part of what W and I do, he loves being there and seeing it, and he and W are really clicking in learning to play off each other and mesh their two different styles, but I know sometimes I am a lot for A to handle, and having someone of his own, at his own level, to play with would be so good for him.

And this too, is fragile and new, for both of us.

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