I really have a hard time making choices. I hate to be made to make choices (and yeah, okay, I love it, too.) The other day Britni and I were Twittering about the idea of choice, and having choice taken away, in a BDSM relationship. It can be used either way to establish control, as when W forced me to choose to attend an event with him, knowing what would be in store for me, or makes me always choose the restaurant, so he doesn’t have to; or the opposite way, by having all choices taken from one, as when Britni’s Master takes food choices from her. Both confer the power to the Dominant, although they come at it from different directions.
I’ve had to make some choices elsewhere in my life too. Here in my blog, I’ve had to decide what to talk about, and what not to talk about, recently; how to deal with a couple of work issues that have come up; what to do about school; how to approach some relationship changes. I’m still mulling over those choices.
This morning, though, I finally made a fun choice: the one I was trying to make here.
Well, I sort of made a choice. I actually didn’t have to make a choice between things, because I had enough Eden Cafe writing-cashola to buy two different kinds of toys, I just had to decide to place the damn order. So I did! I got one toy for my butt AND one to satisfy my lewd, lascivious, “I-wanna-be-fucked-by-a-giant-cock” fantasy. Okay so wait, maybe there was some decision-making to be had, because at one point I was looking at realistic dildos versus “traditional” ones. When I really started thinking about it all (cuz I can’t just want something, I gotta analyze why precisely I want it) and thought about what trigger it was tripping, I realized that I want a “cock” dildo. I want a giant cock. Stuffed inside me. It’s the image of it that is so goddamned hot to me. (Funniest part of that is that, due to the nature of my secret, I won’t even be able to fulfill that fantasy for awhile!)
So, I got one.
It’s too long, I think, but it’s thick, and heavy, and it does something in my head that’s good.
But because I also want to be fucked in the ass with something long and not-so-thick, I also got something…um…pretty. (Can you say that about a dildo? Cuz I am. I’m saying it. I got me a pretty dildo.) Long and thinner and…it has a mini vibe inside it! How fun is that?
So I made my order this morning, while the kids slept peacefully, unaware of what a perve their Mom is. And guess what? I got free overnight shipping, which is great, but I expected that even so, I wouldn’t get it til Tuesday at the earliest. My order confirmation confirmed that, which is okay of course, with the holidays. But just now, when I checked my email, I got a note that said it has already been shipped, and is due to arrive Monday. How’s that for great service?!? Happy Giftmas to me indeed!
And now, to help you have as joyful a time as I have tonight, my favorite silly thing (or, as Ad says, my only silly thing, because I am “Too Serious!”):