This is me, today, looking all professional. On the outside.
And this is what I have on under that professional exterior:
Can’t quite tell what that is under there? This is what the back looks like:
I volunteered to wear my ring bra to work today. I knew W would like it, and he did. But then halfway through the day I realized I was going to want to run, and I didn’t have my work out clothes with me, so I asked W if he would bring them up to me while he was out running errands. He asked if I needed the key for the lock on the bra. I said, “Let me check if I have one…”
“No, that’s okay,” he said, “never mind. You can wear it under your running clothes.”
Okay, so I liked suggesting wearing the bra for him because I knew he would like it. But I absolutely loved it when he told me to wear it! One way I am giving myself pleasure by doing something for him, something to please him, the other way he is giving me pleasure by tripping that “he’s making me do it” trigger in my head. Yumm.
This actually came up during the weekend with DrF, W’s friend. They decided that I would go to dinner with them wearing nothing but a trench coat. “May I wear boots?” I asked. DrF agreed. Knowing that it would turn W on for me to wear them, I put on my red thigh high boots. When I returned to them downstairs, I was chastised by DrF for choosing to those boots, instead of the others I had been wearing. “I knew it would please W for me to wear them,” I said. DrF frowned. He has a much more…controlling/instructional approach, and if it had been just him, I am sure he would have told me exactly what he wanted me to wear and not approved of me “anticipating” as I did for W. As it was, he nodded, understanding the difference in W’s and my dynamic, and all was good. That got me to thinking, though, because I have read many times about the whole issue of doing something without being told to, because you know that your Top-type person would want/like you to, or waiting to be told by them to do so. Anticipatory in a good way, or assuming in a bad way? Thinking for oneself=good, or thinking for oneself=taking the control away from the Top?
Because I know W as well as I do, I know that he wants and likes me to think about these things, do things like that for him. So, because I know it pleases him, I do them. And this, in turn, makes me feel good in one way. In another way, though, I deeply crave being told what to do and feeling that I am being made to do something, so in anticipating in this way, I may end up not getting that part of my own wants/desires met.
Except on the occasion, like today, when he says, “Yes, wear it to work out in because it makes me hard.” And then we both get what we want.