I always forget how hard subdrop hits me. Can anyone say, “Mack truck”? Yeah, like that. And just as sudden, just as unexpectedly, even when I am “expecting” it. Even when I know it might happen and try to mentally/emotionally prepare for it. There is just no way to prepare.
I’m in a much better place today. I had an interesting question from someone re: the struggle I’ve been having. Why do it when it’s so hard at times? It’s a valid question, though honestly I don’t ever think about not doing it. This is my life, and I don’t want to change it, even when it’s hard sometimes. And the reality is, it’s not hard that often. In fact this has been the easiest relationship I’ve ever had. But maybe that is why–they make it easy for me. It’s me that makes it hard sometimes. And that’s why I won’t give up on it. I may have to noodle on the why’s and wherefore’s of that for awhile though and write more later.
I have a busy weekend planned. Tonight, slutting it up and going on a “date” with both guys (at least for awhile it’ll be both. Ad wants to turn in early, so I’ll be either out with or at W’s with just him after.) We’re going to see a burlesque show! I’m looking forward to being out and about in a hot dress and slut shoes, having drinks, checking out some sexy dancing women and having fun with my two guys, free of the angsty-ness that has been plaguing me. Then tomorrow night is Conspiracy, with W running the bondage area, and me as his sidekick. More slut clothes and maybe some public tying up, hooray!
I just really really want to have fun and flirt and be silly and happy with my guys. We’ve had so much (necessary but) heavy talk that I feel the need to shake that all off, be our old selves together.