Sometimes I feel a little like I am writing here for myself alone, well, and W, because I know he reads everything I write; but I don’t actually have a huge amount of traffic here and few comments. So it is always a surprise to me, when I post about having difficulties in dealing with one thing or another, to get emails and IM’s and texts from various people, asking me how I am, sending me love, letting me know they care. It means a lot.
I am doing much better; so much so that right this minute, when I know W is with the girl I mentioned struggling with my emotions about, I am not feeling crazy and upset and out of control. Honestly, I think I have just resigned myself to not feeling happy with it and let it go at that. I knew she’d call and they’d play, in fact I was fairly certain as I kissed him goodbye this afternoon that it would, in fact, be tonight. So she’s there. ~shrug~ I have my own things to do, writing and homework and a movie with Ad and the BoyChild, going to bed early so that I can get up early and run before work (which I have apparently screwed up by sitting here blogging so late. Oh well.)
We had a good weekend. Met some new people at the burlesque show Friday night. I like burlesque. It’s sultry and erotic and also campy and fun, and I could almost see myself doing something like that. Telling a story rather than doing a straight striptease, which I never could do with any success. Remember how painful that striptease scene was in…damn, what is the name of that movie…the one with Schwartzenegger (sp?) and Jamie Lee Curtis…anyway, that is what that feels like for me. Getting photographed feels the same way, if I am trying to look a certain way. Painfully awkward. But burlesque looks fun and flirtatious and there’s an element of tongue-in-cheek, of sauciness in the girl’s eyes and moves, that I love.
The next day I shopped for a prom dress with my daughter. She really is her mother’s daughter. She didn’t pick a run-of-the-mill teenage-sexpot dress, but a wonderful, sassy, salsa-inspired dress that had her strutting around and shaking her hips in the dressing room. Sometimes I love that girl so much I am afraid my heart will break open. And then sometimes it does.
Saturday night W and I went to Conspiracy, a monthly club/fetish event put on by a friend of W’s. She has had various incarnations of a fetish/bondage space at the club, and has held it at various venues, with W usually running the space for her, bringing his equipment and at times using me to spice things up by tying me up or whatever. Last night was the first night he really seemed to get into the “performance” aspect of it, though, something I think the promoter has wanted him to do all along. It was cool to see him in this different light, and he did a couple of fun ties on me, in particular one in which I was suspended in a webbing of rope, spreadeagled. Pretty hot, and the three photographers there took a lot of pics. It was only later, when one of them came up and sat next to me, asking my name, that I discovered she is an events writer for the local alternative paper. “You’ll probably be in the online edition Monday,” she said. Only moments before (literally) I had laughed to W, “Wouldn’t it be funny if we end up in the RFT!” Huh. My lips to god’s ear? More like the devil’s. lol
That night I also reconnected with a couple I used to date and that I have remained good–if distant–friends with. W and I were brainstorming some ideas for upcoming Conspiracy’s and I thought of doing a two-girl tie (always a crowd pleaser) and since they are now likely to be a part of the crew for the event, I thought of asking her if she’d be interested in being the other half. She just emailed me that she would–cool!
Aside from that, all is quiet here, and in my head, which is a good thing. I have my twice-postponed oral presentation due Wednesday night at class and a photo shoot–my first ever–with a local photographer Thursday. I am excited and nervous (see the above reference to feeling awkward for “posed” photos.) We’ll see how that goes.
And on that note, it’s time for me to turn in, otherwise I won’t be running in the morning!