Being Known

I talk occasionally (or maybe more than occasionally, maybe I drone on and on about it!) about how fractured I sometimes feel in regards to my “real” life, who I really am, the way I live, and what my coworkers know about me/who they think I am.  Well, sometimes, I am reminded that while they may not know everything about me, there are some here that know enough about me, enough to make me feel…known. Cared about.

Case in point. A woman in my office came into my office this morning holding up a set of wind chimes.  “Do you like wind chimes?” she asked.  Sure, I said, I love them.

She smiled. “I knew you would!  I found these in a box,” she continued. “Ed,” (her partner) “can’t stand the sound, but as soon as I saw them I thought of you. I knew you’d love them.  Here, they’re for you.” As she said this she was making them sway gently, and I was already smiling hugely. Not just because of the beautiful sound, or because of the gift, but because she really did know that about me.

Sometimes, it is enough to have just pieces of ourselves known.

So, yeah, I’m back from our trip. It’s been fun recounting to Ad our adventures–and then listening to The Missy do the same, with her own peculiar particular slant on it. I do so love that girl. Overall we had a great time, although (for me) there was too much down-time! There were so many things that I would have liked to do, if I had had another (or additional) companion.  She and I do have different vacation styles, and all-in-all it worked out (I don’t object to laying around by the pool for days!) but really I prefer to mix up my lay-abouts with exploring new places and having adventures. Ad laughed at me and said even in this I need multiple partners, so they can vacation tag-team me.

And so of course I started imagining he and I and W on vacation together…

I got back around 5pm and then had my first class for the summer class I am taking. I almost decided to withdraw from it, but Ad convinced me to stay, because 1) it’s my last class for graduation; 2) it’s a short class (ends July 16);  and 3) it’s primarily online, so that I only have to show up for one additional class.  So, all good reasons, and I stuck with it.  It looks like it may even be interesting, so I am glad I did.  And I am really proud of the fact that I got the textbook for >$15, WITH expedited shipping, by shopping online, thanks to a friend’s tip.  Hooray!  It should get here Monday or Tuesday.

The BoyChild has a movie date tonight. It’s so weird, my kids growing up.  Course I still gotta give him the money for it, but…he’s on his way to young adulthood. Wow.  Who woulda thunk it.

Ad is upstairs making spaghetti for dinner and I am heading up there in a sec. The edges of missing W are much less sharp with Ad around, and for that I am immensely grateful.  It is one of the benefits of being poly, definitely.  It’s still hard though, and I keep thinking about and devising ways to keep close to him in my head and heart to combat this feeling of being so completely cut-off.  It does seem to help, and with that in mind, tomorrow should be a lot of fun.  And that’s all I got to say about that.  (wicked grin)

I also can’t wait until he figures out what I’m doing to “keep him close.” (At least in my mind.)  I hope that it helps take his mind off being away from me, too.


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