I am feeling pissy and antisocial and just all around out-of-sorts, and of course I know why.  Funny how my mood can swing from high to low so quickly, and all at the puppetmaster’s hands, even when he’s not around and doesn’t even know he’s holding the strings.

I did get an email from him telling me he got there fine and all was good, so that helped for a brief time, but knowing he won’t be in touch for the next four or five days at least–but could if he gave up being such a fucking curmudgeon about texting–has me growling and bent out of shape.

Yes, I know that in my own way, I am high-maintenance. I want/like/need to hear from my lovers at least once a day. (Is that really all that high-maintenance?)

I also know that many people think that they shouldn’t be contacting one lover while they’re with another. Personally I think that’s a bunch of hooey (if it’s for longer than an evening out or some such.)  While I don’t want my lovers to stop mid-fuck to answer an email, or call or text me in the middle of dinner, I don’t think that just because I am with W that I shouldn’t call and talk to Ad or text him goodnight.  Same with W when I am with Ad. I don’t interrupt my time with one to communicate with the other, but I do communicate. Oftentimes by text, so as not to interfere too much with the day’s or evening’s proceedings.

But then, I like a lot of communication. Maybe they don’t care so much about it and wouldn’t care if I didn’t get ahold of them for several days.

~sigh~ I know that’s not true either. W bought a laptop partially so that he could keep in touch with me while he was gone to Florida, and Ad calls and texts me sometimes more than I do him.  This is just me feeling sorry for myself.

It’s when I am feeling pissy like this that I think of just taking a break from email and blogging all together.

And yeah, part of it is a temper tantrum, “cutting off my nose to spite my face,” as my mother says. But part of it is also the desire not to spew all over when it can’t helped and it is what it is and I know I should just relax. But ya know what?

I don’t fucking care.

It’s my blog and I’ll be pissy here if I want.  Just watch out for falling noses.

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4 Responses to

  1. Aurore says:

    While I don’t have multiple partners, I too am high maintenance in that I want to have daily communication with those I am involved with. Is it too much to ask – I don’t think so. I think it’s a nice reminder that you are never far from their thoughts. Nothing wrong with that.

    Bitch and whine away – it’s your blog and you can cry if you want to :)

    • piecesofjade says:

      I really do feel guilty that I can’t be more independent emotionally though. I wanna be the “strong silent type” too! But I’m just not. :-( And also, a lot of my guilt comes from feeling bad that I feel anything less than thrilled that he’s having an adventure, enjoying his other partner, etc., the way he feels for and about MY adventures. I wish I WAS more like him that way, that I got off on it the way he does. It’d sure as hell make it easier.

      I’m not consumed by jealousy in this instance, tho, at least, and since I already know what to expect the next few days, I’m not really irritated about that so much. Just…bleh.

      Thanks for the moral support. :-)

  2. Kara says:

    Hi Jade…I don’t think there’s anything wrong with having a little daily contact. It only takes a minute to send a text saying “I Love you”, “I miss you” or something small like that. It’s not like it;s going to interfere with his day. Even though your relationship is open, your still in a relationship with him. I would be pretty pissed to if I wasn’t going to here from my lover for multiple days. Personally I don’t think you high maintenance for wanting a few minutes of daily communication. You’re just showing you care for him and miss him. Kara XOXOXOXO

    • piecesofjade says:

      Awww…it’s sweet that you guys “got my back.” (smile) But I don’t want to paint him as an ogre unfairly. I think he likes to be in communication as much as I do…and certainly would be this time if he could be. (Though hell, let’s face it, *I’d* have found a way if it meant hiking 20 miles in my bare feet in the snow…!) ;-P But again, that’s just me, with my over-developed need for communication. lol

      I also think he doesn’t want to make his other partner uncomfortable, and since this is the first time he’s been with her in a year, I can’t begrudge him (or her) that. I’m just a frustrated, whiney-ass baby. I’ll get over it.

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