I am feeling pissy and antisocial and just all around out-of-sorts, and of course I know why. Funny how my mood can swing from high to low so quickly, and all at the puppetmaster’s hands, even when he’s not around and doesn’t even know he’s holding the strings.
I did get an email from him telling me he got there fine and all was good, so that helped for a brief time, but knowing he won’t be in touch for the next four or five days at least–but could if he gave up being such a fucking curmudgeon about texting–has me growling and bent out of shape.
Yes, I know that in my own way, I am high-maintenance. I want/like/need to hear from my lovers at least once a day. (Is that really all that high-maintenance?)
I also know that many people think that they shouldn’t be contacting one lover while they’re with another. Personally I think that’s a bunch of hooey (if it’s for longer than an evening out or some such.) While I don’t want my lovers to stop mid-fuck to answer an email, or call or text me in the middle of dinner, I don’t think that just because I am with W that I shouldn’t call and talk to Ad or text him goodnight. Same with W when I am with Ad. I don’t interrupt my time with one to communicate with the other, but I do communicate. Oftentimes by text, so as not to interfere too much with the day’s or evening’s proceedings.
But then, I like a lot of communication. Maybe they don’t care so much about it and wouldn’t care if I didn’t get ahold of them for several days.
~sigh~ I know that’s not true either. W bought a laptop partially so that he could keep in touch with me while he was gone to Florida, and Ad calls and texts me sometimes more than I do him. This is just me feeling sorry for myself.
It’s when I am feeling pissy like this that I think of just taking a break from email and blogging all together.
And yeah, part of it is a temper tantrum, “cutting off my nose to spite my face,” as my mother says. But part of it is also the desire not to spew all over when it can’t helped and it is what it is and I know I should just relax. But ya know what?
I don’t fucking care.
It’s my blog and I’ll be pissy here if I want. Just watch out for falling noses.