Integrity is telling myself the truth. And honesty is telling the truth to other people. ~Spencer Johnson
Online tonight, reading stuff that I ought not to be, for my own mental health. And damn I’m feeling catty. Sheathe the claws, Jade… It’s gotta be that time of the month, because I swear to god some people are just “twisting my tail,” (as Ad would say.) Breathe. Just let it go…
Ok, I’m back to my usual zen-like self (~snort~).
In the good column, I just got the news that Ad is going to be back home in time for Spanksgiving. I have been okay, if a bit nervous (and even a little, tiny bit excited) about going by myself, and this will help with any of the lingering doubts that I have had about being there. But it also means that I probably won’t have the opportunity to play with others. Which, okay, might not have happened anyway, but at the least I would have liked the opportunity to see if I could manage to set myself up for some play-with-strangers. It’s not something I’ve done much of before, and I was kind of enjoying the stretching it was requiring.
On the other hand, W seems less…enthusiastic…about me playing BDSM-wise with others who he doesn’t personally know, when he (or Ad) aren’t around, than he does with just sex, so he will probably be happy with this change in plans. And, since I probably would have ended up feeling like an outsider and a wallflower that no one wanted to play with anyway, having Ad there to pay attention to me won’t be a bad thing. Yes, I admit, I’m an attention slut. Vain and narcissistic and it’s all about me. What-the-fuck-ever. (Shew! I am a bitch tonight! PMS much, Jade?)
Gah. I shouldn’t be allowed to talk, write or think tonight.
Oh wait, here’s a funny. The Missy and I were talking about hairstyles last night. I was talking about my curly-ass mess, and saying I might get it cut. There’s this rocking curly ultra-swingy swing bob that I love, and I’m just about to the point of where I’m ready to do it again. (Except that I’ve grown it out for so long just so it can be used for hair bondage and, um, it hasn’t been, yet. Sigh. So maybe I have to wait a little bit longer.) Anyway, although my hair is naturally curly, I have gotten it permed in the past for those super-duper curls that I like to sport occasionally. That’s not what I want this time, but the Missy didn’t realize that.
“Oh, don’t get it permed again, Mom,” she said. “I like the big loose curls.”
“I won’t,” I said. “I don’t want it too kinky. And perming it makes it sooo curly…”
Her boyfriend, standing a few feet away, stares at first one of us, then the other. “Wait, what?”
“What?” The Missy and I say.
“Perms make white people’s hair curly?!?”
Apparently, black people get perms to straighten their hair. He’d never even known you could get one to make it curly.
Okay well let’s go on to truth-telling, shall we? Luckily it’s an easy one to truth, and won’t lend itself to much drama or pissiness.
Day #4 – Name someone you need to forgive.
I can’t think of anyone. Not because people haven’t done wrong things, but because I simply don’t hold grudges. People do stupid shit. They hurt each other, they say the wrong thing, the make mistakes. We all do. I’ve been hurt and I’ve hurt others. I hope to be forgiven for the mistakes I have made. And just as the mistakes I have made have not been with malicious intent, I believe that those who have hurt me have not done so maliciously either, but rather out of their own anger, or fear, or pain or ignorance. And for that, there’s nothing to forgive.