Truth: Day 9 – Butterfly

Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma – which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of other’s opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary. ~Steve Jobs

My horoscope today, so very apropos:

Wednesday, Nov 17th, 2010 — The alluring quality of your feelings can be quite intoxicating now, whether or not you are in a new relationship. You could even fall in love anew with someone familiar, or discover an exciting attraction to a total stranger. Either way, your enthusiasm is contagious as long as you don’t allow fear to stand between you and love.

I think I fall in love with W a little more every day.

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Today’s Truth: Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.

I guess that means “drifted away from.”

I have actually done this more times than I like to admit. I am…capricious at times; as a friend has called me, a “butterfly, flitting from thing to thing.”  I don’t think she meant it unkindly, and she didn’t add “and person to person,” but I have to be honest and admit that sometimes, the worst connotation of that could probably also be applied to me, as well as the kinder one.

Sometimes I let people…lovers…friends….drift away. It makes me sad, but then, I get busy again, my interest flits off somewhere else, and…I forget about it.  Until the next time.

It’s also a defense mechanism of sorts. True friendships, deep friendships, are work to maintain, and I don’t always have the time/energy to put out the effort to take them from acquaintances to true friendships.  But then I end up with a week like last week, when I had all kinds of free time–and had no one to spend it with. When the guys are here, it’s fine: I am so full of “deep” friendship, of deep relationship, I have no time and no need for any others; the other lighter relationships suit me. And I’ve never been one for many close friends.  I usually have one or two close friends and then a wide circle of people that know me, and I know, that I talk to and maybe even have brief flings with, but who I never really form the kind of friendship in which, say, I would call them up and ask them to go to the mall with me, or to a movie.

Sometimes, though, I regret letting those fledgling, half-formed relationships lie fallow and drift away.  And even more so I regret not nurturing relationships in which I felt a true connection, but couldn’t seem to make stick, for some reason.

There are actually three people I can think of that this has happened with (or is happening with now):

The first girl I ever fell in love with, my NatureGirl; my close friend & lover-once-upon-a-time, C; and my friend B in Chicago.  All of these people are within my reach to reconnect with, but…I just don’t know how to, not anymore at least. We’ve drifted too far apart and let the moment slip by.

(From the Truth Meme. I found it via The Blogging Slave, who got it from Rayne of Insatiable DesireRose Thorne has also joined in the truth-telling!  Let me know if you do, and I’ll put a link to your blog here as well.)

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