Honesty is the first chapter in the book of wisdom. ~Thomas Jefferson
I feel like I’ve been somewhere far, far away. My head has so not been here, or on kink, or even in my relationships, other than a brief interlude Valentine’s Day night, and even that was…disconnected, in a way. Not a bad way, just not me, entirely engaged, intimately engaged. We had some fun, for sure, but…I am ready to burrow down into one or the other of my relationships and lose myself for awhile. Lose the professional working woman, the responsible woman, the woman who has worked more in the past 3 weeks than I ever thought I’d be willing to.
But work’s gotta get done, right? And I am grateful to have a job I love and that pays me. So, I’ve been doing what needs doing.
But now I am ready for a break. And, coincidentally, I have a three day weekend. Can you say roadtrip?!? I found a secluded cabin in the woods about 4 hours away. Originally I had thought to invite Ad and W, but W’s just made plans to leave for a month in mid-March, so I asked Ad if he minded just W and I getting away for the weekend. He said of course not (he knows how I suffer when W is gone) and so…we’ll be off as of sometime Saturday morning. The only thing work-related I may take is the .org site that I work on, since that is actually a learning experience and something for me as well as for work.
Speaking of websites, I am one step closer to having my own domain. Well, I have the domain(s), but I finally set up the hosting for it, and now it’s just a matter of making structure and design decisions. (Do I marry PoJ and APL, and include a new section for my writings under Jade Melisande? What about a photo gallery?) And then there’s the actual build–the look of it and the graphics–and getting it all ported over. I have some cool ideas for the new space, and although I can’t wait to get to it, it’s also a huge job.
Maybe that will be my weekend project.
Or maybe I will spend three days reading, playing endless games of Scrabble, hiking, drinking wine, yakking W’s ears off and hanging out in the hot tub.
Oh, and maybe (fingers crossed) getting tied up occasionally.
On the health front, today I attended my first structured gym class since my surgery. I did fairly well. There are still some things that are a struggle, and my endurance and tolerance is still low, but it felt good to be punching and kicking again, to feel the strain in my muscles and to feel active again. I have been run/walking a few times a week, about 2-2.5 miles on the treadmill, but this is much more strenuous and concentrated (that’s why I like the classes.) I’m tired and a little sore now, but nothing untoward.
What about that other healing? My rings? The other day, just before my shoot with C-D, I got them configured “normally” for the first time since the piercing-5 steel rings on each side. I had Stan do it, because it was Courtney’s day off, and while Stan is a really really skilled piercer, he’s just not Court, yanno? When I talked to her about being closed up by the rings for three weeks, she knew why I was slavering to get them undone. When I talked about making them pretty, she totally got that, and loves to play on that and help. She’s, you know, a girl. Stan just wasn’t as fun. So I just have to be sure that I only go when she’s there in future.
Anyway–OMG. Ten steel hoops down there is a vast difference from just six. (Ha–“just” six.) You wouldn’t think so, but really, believe me, it is. They are heavier, and when I am naked or wearing loose clothing, I can feel them sway. Seriously! It’s really sensuous, and reminds me quite deliciously that they are there. And without fail I think of W every single time I move and feel them. So as an instrument of keeping a sub’s mind on her Owner, yeah, it’s really effective.
Also, the upper rings are still very sensitive. Oddly enough, they are high enough that they sort of cradle the shaft of my clitoris, so that (as I discovered quite accidentally as I was driving the other day) I can squeeze my thighs together and feel a kind of painful pleasure just from the rings. I don’t think I could come that way, but it’s kind of fun to do. Unfortunately, this also means that they can get tangled, turned and pinch painfully when I cross my legs. I am a die-hard leg-crosser, so that’s kind of rough on me.
I did discover that it’s better, for a couple reasons, to let them hang loosely when I run, rather than wear underclothes that hold them still and close to my body, as I had thought would be better. The first reason is they tend to turn and pinch less (totally counter-intuitive, in my opinion. I would think swaying they would turn more.) And the second is that I am still getting an awful lot of physical pleasure just from the sensation of them swaying and swinging. I get turned on at the oddest moments, feeling them sway and brush as I walk or run. It’s delightful.
Ok, on to a Truth, since it’s been so long since I’ve told one!
Day 20 → Your views on drugs and alcohol.
I am a big proponent of personal responsibility, and I believe that as adults we should all have the right to make choices–even stupid ones–for ourselves, as long as we take responsibility for those choices and for the consequences of them. This includes the use of drugs and alcohol. Personally, I think it’s ridiculous that that alcohol is legal, while marijuana is not. That a doctor can prescribe narcotics, but not marijuana for pain. That we can send a child to war to kill and be killed, but not allow him to drink alcohol. I see nothing wrong with anything in moderation. I don’t personally use recreational drugs, but if I could find one I liked that didn’t have side effects that I don’t like, I wouldn’t have a moral issue against using it for mood enhancement, just as the majority of alcohol drinkers (myself included) use alcohol. I enjoy an “adult beverage” before play or during a social evening, and I even enjoy being “more than moderate” occasionally.
But of course we all know my drug of choice: my body’s own chemicals. The best high I have ever found is the one I get after running, fucking or playing.
Oh, and buying shoes. (Just kidding!) But here, I teased you about my new shoes in my last post, so here they are…not in their full glory, I don’t have all those pics yet, but at least you can see them a bit. And me, stoned on the best drugs around: