So I have to post my notes about Task 5 here, because it wasn’t kinky at all, and was with my daughter, who I don’t like to blog about over there. It was freaking perfect though, and funny as hell.
The task was this: Work the following words into a single vanilla conversation (not with anyone aware of the task project): penetrate; flirt; butt; engorge. Bonus word – asparagus.
W had given me a deadline, which I had missed time and again. Do you know how little conversation I have with non-kinky or non-aware people? I literally went 4 days without an opportunity to have a conversation such as the one outlined.
Tonight I sat down with Ad and my daughter and saw my opportunity.
Me to her: “So, did you like the asparagus the other night?”
No really, we had asparagus for dinner the other night, and no I didn’t buy it on purpose just so I could talk about it! (I’m not that clever, unfortunately. I swear!)
She could have just said “Yes,” and left me floundering for an opening in which to toss about “penetrate” and “engorged” (cuz you know those words come up in conversation every day.) But no, even by accident The Missy is awesome.
“Yes–and I liked it even more because it made my pee smell funny!” I paused a moment, then laughed. She was going to make this easier than I thought! Thank you lord for an irreverent, goofy-ass daughter.
“Oh? And, um, how’d you figure that out? Did you, uh, stick your nose down by your butt and sniff?”
She laughed. “No, Mom, it’s really obvious when you go. Couldn’t you smell it?”
I confessed to not having noticed it myself. “Oh, well, that’s because some people don’t produce the enzyme that makes it smell like that…” she said.
“You mean the asparagus penetrates your pee?” I asked, being deliberately obtuse. I glared over at Ad when he snorted. He knew about my task and had just realized what I was doing.
The Missy sighed. She loves biology and will take any opportunity to expound on it when she can. She then went into a rambling explanation of why asparagus makes some people’s pee smell bad–
I interrupted her. “Oh! So the pee cells get engorged with the asparagus enzyme–”
“No no no…you’re not listening.” More scientific explanation that involved enzymes and substrate, and one of them consuming or overwhelming or engulfing the other.
I nodded very seriously, while Ad, behind me, struggled not to laugh. “So,” I finally said, “eating asparagus you’re flirting with disaster–you could end up having weird smelling pee all the time!” (Yeah, that was a stretch, but I really couldn’t see any other way to get from asparagus and pee to flirting.)
I looked at Ad. “Was that all of them?”
He burst out laughing. “Yep.”
The Missy looked puzzled. I told her we were playing a word game. She rolled her eyes. “You guys are so weird….”
I was just in the laundry room folding laundry that I had brought over from W’s. Some mine and some his. It occurred to me that I almost never wash and dry, much less fold, Ad’s laundry. He wouldn’t want me to, I don’t think, and besides, our relationship is different. Where it wouldn’t feel right to let W do his own (I have done, but each time I feel weird and want to take over and do it for him), with Ad it would feel weird to do his laundry. Invasive, somehow. We are equals, and I certainly wouldn’t want him to do my laundry.
It felt nice washing W’s shirts and pants though, and folding them into neat stacks, hanging and buttoning the shirts, wondering if he gets any pleasure from me doing these things for him.
Work has been so damn busy, and yet rewarding at the same time. The Climb (our yearly sporting event/fundraiser for which I manage more than 90 volunteers) went off almost flawlessly, and the flaws that I did find I’ve already found solutions for, so that’s good. And a load of anxiety off my back for another year.
I had a weird moment of feeling left out the Friday night before the event, when everyone got ready to leave the office to go have a beer and didn’t invite me, except as an afterthought. That…hurts. But I had to accept that it is me that helps perpetuate that, as well: I live very differently than they do, I don’t go hang out with them after work, my own work is pretty solitary (and I like it that way) and I am in this weird “in-between” world in that on one hand we have these 30-somethings all getting married and starting families, these 40-somethings that all have young children and are wrapped up in that, and the twenty-somethings that go out partying. I just don’t fit into any of their little groups…
For instance. We were all talking about birth control. (Yeah you get an office full of right-at-that-age women and it’s an open topic for discussion.) I mentioned the possibility of changing mine (I have a five-year IUD that I may have to re-up soon) and the headaches (literally) that this causes (many BC pills cause me migraines.) “Well, Ad doesn’t want kids right?” one woman asked. “Right…” I said. “He should consider getting fixed then!” she said. “My husband just did it and it was no big deal and then you’d never have to worry about pregnancy again…”
Yeah, except Ad’s not my only partner. And no matter what kind of protection any of the men I sleep with use, I am the only one responsible for my sexual and reproductive health. Period. They couldn’t begin to understand that, and I wouldn’t expect them to. I did say that I believe my health is my responsibility, but even that drew blank, uncomprehending stares. Just as they wouldn’t understand the laundry thing, this is just as much a mystery.
And so I remain…an outsider…in so many ways.
And, for the most part, I am okay with that. Sometimes, though, I wonder what it would be like to just have girlfriends that I hang out with, go shopping with, lunch with.
Then I think about the time it would take away from the rest of my life and…I don’t think I am missing out on much.
Speaking of going out and such–I haven’t been. I’ve been pretty damn reclusive, in fact. I go through these periods where I am just done with social interaction, and then I pull away from everyone except the fam and Ad and W and concentrate on home and writing, reading, blogging & work for a while. That’s where I am now. It’s actually not a bad time to be here in my “social” cycle, because by the time we go on the cruise I will be back into my “extrovert” phase again, and ready to be out and about again.
Oh, and as I was just telling W in IM-it snowed here today. I almost put my boots away (before realizing that with my new awesome room-size closet I can keep them unpacked all year!) Thank goodness I didn’t. It was funny crocheting a bikini in boots and a scarf though.
And yeah, you read that right: “crocheting a bikini.” I actually got the first cup done–omg it looks so cool! But when I went to try it “on” I realized it was WAY too small. I deliberately made it a lot smaller than the pattern, a) because I want it to be skimpy, and b) because (in case you haven’t noticed) I got me some small titties! Apparently not as small as I think they are though, because “skimpy” didn’t BEGIN to describe it. So…back to the drawing board. Or crochet hook. But I at least proved to myself that I can create at least one cup of the bikini top!
Okay, I think that’s all I gots for tonight.
PS – I got the bonus!