Truth – Day 26: Giving Up

The least initial deviation from the truth is multiplied later a thousandfold.  ~ Aristotle

Day 26 → Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?

I have had bouts of deep depression, and more than once I have thought it would all just be easier to give up. Twice I have acted on that impulse.  Once, I was too chicken-shit to go through with it.  Once I ended up in the hospital, in the mental ward, for two weeks. A nurse saved my life that time. Not literally–by the time I met him my physical well-being was no longer in jeopardy. But the things he said to me…made me…change my mind. Maybe not want to live, but realize how much pain and suffering there truly is in the world, and right at my doorstep.

What I felt was nothing compared to that.

What makes life worth living? What makes us go on? I can’t really answer that, except–what else is there?

Also, I am afraid of the unknown. Terrified that all there is “after” is…nothing.

I have a phobia of death and dying. I wish I could believe in something else…something more. Sure would make it a lot easier to contemplate.

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