I can do this.
After my morning temper tantrum, and a somewhat drama-laden email to W in which I decided I wanted to quit everything, my hormones settled down to a dull roar and I was able to see things a bit clearer. You know, able to see that though my wings have been clipped a bit, tho I don’t have the freedom to do what I want, when I want and how I want, it’s not the end of the world.
And benefits like I described in my previous post might even make up for it.
Maybe it was reading W’s emails throughout the day as he described the process of replacing his hundred-year-old bathroom sink that made me stop and remember to take pleasure in the satisfaction of doing my work well; maybe it was Carrie’s post over on A View from the Floor that reminded me to be grateful for small things; maybe it was my dear friend Julian Arancia‘s comment on my post on PoJ that reminded me that in the grand scheme of things, this is only a minor bump.
I actually enjoyed being a little domestic tonight. The Boychild and I stopped at the grocery store on the way home and shopped for dinner groceries, something I don’t think he and I have done but maybe a handful of times in the past. On the way home from there, he and I went over his list of vocabulary words, testing me to see how many of the 50 I knew (all but 3) and competing to see who could make up the best sentence for each. A voracious reader, he has developed a vocabulary almost as good as mine, and just as large a love for words, something I would didn’t realize. For supper, I baked potatoes, made a green salad with candied pecans, dried cranberries, diced apples and croutons, and set out crumbly Stilton cheese with crackers–all while still wearing my heels. There was no one to see, no one to care, except me. I thought about cooking for W in heels and chains, and smiled a bit.
I’ll see W on Thursday, when I work from his house, and hopefully stay over Friday and Saturday with him. The Friday-to-Saturday morning thing will be different. We’ve done it a couple times, but far more often I am either home Friday nights or he stays here occasionally. In all my pissing and moaning I sort of forgot that this change means getting to spend the whole weekend with him. And next week I start classes again. Just a Tues/Thurs gym class, but that will be good for me, and I won’t feel like I’m vegging out every night on the couch. I plan to add an additional workout class on my own at my gym as well, or perhaps a walk or hike during the week. Maybe I can get the boys to accompany me, who knows. I’ll get back into a schedule. It won’t be the same schedule, but I’ll make it work.
So, looks like things will be okay. Hormonal fluctuations aside.