e[lust] #29 (Oops)

September 28, 2011

Welcome to e[lust] – Your source for sexual intelligence and inspirations of lust from the smartest & sexiest bloggers! Whether you’re looking for hot steamy smut, thought-provoking opinions or expert information, you’re going to find it here. Want to be included in e[lust] #30? Start with the rules, check out the schedule and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates!

~ This Week’s Top Three Posts ~

Evidence To The ContraryIf anyone out there ever tries to tell you that internet relationships and friendships are not real, point them in my direction and I will happily set them straight on the matter because I have proof, in fact I am proof, that they know not what they speak of.

Open Marriages Don’t Work….The only way I would agree with that statement is if you add: …..if you’re marriage already has problems. But even that part is not universally true.

Love in the Age of Broadband What happened to our ability to keep it casual? Why would we attach ourselves to someone who is (often) hundreds, if not thousands, of miles away? And, more to the point, why would we attach ourselves to someone we have never met?

~ e[lust] Editress ~

Ask Lilly – Open and Polyamorous: Why be married at all?

~ Featured Post (Lilly’s Pick) ~

My apologies, everyone, since submissions closed I’ve been 100% consumed with personal family tragedy (the flooding in Central PA) so I didn’t have time to read most of the entries this time or find a photo. The html code might contain a lot of blank lines for some of you, I didn’t have time to “clean” it up, either, just throw up what I have.

All blogs that have a submission in this edition must re-post this digest from tip-to-toe on their blogs within 7 days. Re-posting the photo is optional and the use of the “read more…” tag is allowable after this point. Thank you, and enjoy!

Thoughts & Advice on Sex & Relationships

Ask Aunty Dee: Dental Dams
born this way…
Clit Truth
Condoms and Size
Lies & Infidelities
Misguided Dominance
Poly Language
Return to Decadence
Step Inside My Head
Who was the first person you told..
When Bad Things Happen To Good People – Warning Bells

Sex News, Interviews, Politics & Humor

To Be Out Or Not To Be Out
Want Sado-Erotic Horror Movies? Yes please! Films by Matthew Saliba
What I’ve Learned From E[Lust]

Kink & Fetish

A Much Needed Distraction
Another drink?
Facing Fear
Negotiation Win

Erotic Writing

As Long As It Lasts
Asking For It
Blow Job
Debra’s Gift
June’s Caning
Please, Please, Please, Sir
Showers and Strawberries
The Visitor
The Play Fight


Two Nights, Two Dates

February 12, 2011

I got a giggle this morning when I logged on to my desktop here at WordPress and looked at my blog stats. My “New Shoes” post got more hits than any other recent post.  Apparently I should just post about my shoe addiction, right?

Speaking of which, the pair with the bow came in yesterday, and I got to try them on when I got home. OMG so so so sexy!!!!! I am in love.  I can’t wait to get some pics of them. Actually, I have pics of the others I got recently too.  W just gave them to me:

(Funny side note: he was looking thru them before copying them to the flashdrive. “Oh yeah,” he says, “here they are.” A pause. “Shoe pics.”  A longer pause.  Then, in a very sad voice, “No bondage though.” So sad to just have pics of awesome shoes!  But we got some really cool pics of a great tie he did with my skyscraper tall heels, so he should be happy about that. lol)

So yeah, I was a busy busy woman this week. Besides working like a fiend, I also scheduled myself two first dates, back-to-back.  I’d been talking to both guys for quite awhile, trying to schedule a first meeting with each, and finding life (kids, work, health, travel) being a bitch and interfering.  So even though I knew it might stretch me a bit to do two social, vanilla dates in one week, and back-to-back, I scheduled them.

So, here’s a funny thing about writing about this here.  One of those dates has found my profile on Fet, and via Fet, my blogs (~hi M!~)  This is where being “out” in my blog, and having local people read it, and people I date, read it, gets tricky.   Censor myself? Not write about it?

But no, I have made a vow to never censor myself, so…here goes.

As I mentioned in this space in an earlier post, I’ve been kind of cool on the idea of vanilla dating lately. I know all the reasons W encourages me, and I do, truly enjoy meeting new people, but…honestly I have just not found myself “clicking” with any of them. I had assumed it was because of the non-kink element.  Maybe I just don’t get off anymore unless that “edge” is there.

But now, after this past week, I may have to revise that.

I was totally unprepared to enjoy my date with M as much as I did.  To feel that “click,” as it were. And yet…I did. Enormously so. Enough to be, as W put it, “effervescent” when I got home to him that night and told him all about my date.

Of course it could be the two bottles of wine we consumed. I am a happy, handsy drunk, and when we started kissing…damn he’s a good kisser…well, I was wishing we were someplace more private. (I imagine the bar people were too! lol)  Actually though? I’m glad we weren’t somewhere where it could have gone further.  It was…fun…dating like a “normal” person. Flirting and teasing without having the foregone conclusion that I was going to have sex with him. I felt like…well, you know, a regular dating person again. And honestly…while I enjoyed the making out (a lot!) I enjoyed the talking, the getting to know each other part just as much (if not more.)  And…I am enjoying this period of…courting. (Well, it’s too soon to call it that, precisely. But you know…anticipation. When everything is new and possible and you haven’t crossed all those lines yet.)

In fact…I was a little concerned when I realized he was going to find me on Fet. Tantalized, in a way, (I truly am an exhibitionist slut) but also…kind of oddly sad that part of the “discovery” of someone new would be…maybe mitigated a bit. He’d pretty much never have to guess anything else about me. I felt kind of disappointed that we wouldn’t get to explore those mysteries, the mystery of another person, in that way.

And….since I had actually liked him on that date, I was also worried that he wouldn’t want anything more to do with me once he “saw” me in that light. It’s happened before.

But okay…I am “exposed.” ;-) And really that’s okay too, because, yes, I do love this feeling…of knowing how completely my pictures and writings expose me. It’s (sigh–see how twisted I am?) kinda hot.)

Date number two, while perfectly fine, didn’t…grab me in quite the same way. And here’s where I really start to wonder about how this “attraction” thing works, and why. Date #2 was, if I could have made a specific request for my “ideal” kinda guy, exactly that. A little young for my taste (39), but tall, good-looking, intellectual, plays a mean game of Scrabble, gives an AWESOME shoulder rub (I can only imagine what a full-body rub would be like), successful, self-confident, funny, interesting.  And it’s not that I didn’t feel the pull of attraction (if that had been the case I’d have been upfront with him right away–no sense wasting his time and mine!) but it wasn’t that wild sense of exhilaration, that zing that I’d felt the night before.

I may have been overtired. And sometimes, as with Ad when I first met him, the attraction is a slow-building thing.  I had a really fun texting exchange with him last night, and he is really interesting and, okay, hot (LOL), so I think we’ll probably go out again, just to see.

If he’s still interested, that is.  Because I just Googled my writing name, which I gave to him last night when he asked about my printed erotica, and lo and behold it comes up…with links to PoJ…which of course links here.

So. He may be reading this right now.

Oh the tangled webs we weave!



Truth: Day 17 – Books

January 8, 2011

What is uttered from the heart alone, Will win the hearts of others to your own. ~ Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

After a bit of a hiatus, I am back on the Truth meme.

Day 17 → A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.

I don’t know that there is a book that has changed my views on something, as such, but there was one book that I read as a young person that made me realize what I wanted to do with my life.  It was Island of the Blue Dolphins by Scott O’Dell. I was so drawn into the world that O’Dell created, I quite forgot that it wasn’t non-fiction. So at the end, when I realized that it was a male author who had created it–that it was a complete fabrication–that he had been that skilled, I was awed. And a light bulb went off in my head. I could do that, I could write like that. And I did. I wrote my first novel based on O’Dell’s book (with a herd of wild horses and a shipwrecked man, lol.)

It was the beginning of a lifelong avocation.

Truth: Day 14 – No Heroes

December 14, 2010


When in doubt, tell the truth.

Day 14 → A hero that has let you down.

Another Truth post that is supposed to be in the form of a letter, but I wouldn’t know who to address it to. I have no heroes, never have. I’ve never held anyone up to the status of my own, personal “hero” because everyone makes mistakes, everyone fails, everyone falls. No one could live up to the pressure of being a hero, and I would never ask someone to.  That’s just setting someone up for failure, and myself for disappointment. Instead I feel blessed by the very humanness my loved ones exhibit, by the fact that they feel safe enough, secure enough, and loved enough by me to show me their failings, and to know they never have to live up to any arbitrary ideal I set for them.  I do not put people on pedestals (or at least try not to) and do not want to be set on a pedestal myself.

Except, maybe like this.

I ran this morning for the first time in ages.  I’ve been doing classes, which has been enjoyable, but it does not hold the sheer joy of stretching my legs, feeling the sweat pour off my body, finding that headspace that I do when running.  It was good, and it felt right to force myself out of bed and into the world, into physicality, this morning. I am a hedonist at heart, but also have a need to push myself at times, which naturally wars with said hedonism. Moderation in all things, right? Too much hedonism makes a slothful, lazy girl. Too much pushing makes a sore, tired one. So I am trying (again) to find a balance. Balancing has never been my forte.


But I keep trying. It is my life’s calling, I suppose, to find that balance.

I don’t know if I mentioned it, but I did manage to get a story sent out to an editor for a call for submissions this month. I love the story, even though it was rejected by another editor, so I had to try to find a new home for it.  It shows a softer side to WIITWD, a story of romantic bondage that I actually asked W and Ad to help me with in real life–not the writing of it, but the acting out of it. We’ll see what happens.

That said, there are a number of upcoming deadlines for anthologies calling for submissions (see the Erotica Readers and Writers Association website for a complete list and details.) A short list:

Lesbian BDSM Erotica Anthology [Title Forthcoming]
Editor: Sinclair Sexsmith
Publisher: Cleis Press
Deadline: January 1, 2011 (Fall 2011 release)
Payment: USD $50 and 2 copies of the book on publication
lesbianbdsmerotica at gmail.com

Red Velvet and Absinthe: Gothic Tales of Erotic Romance
Editor: Mitzi Szereto
Publisher: Cleis Press
Deadline: January 1, 2011 (earlier submissions are strongly encouraged )
Payment: $50-70 (payable on publication) and 2 copies of the anthology
Send to: submissions at mitziszereto.com

Going Down: Oral Sex Erotica
Editor: Rachel Kramer Bussel
Publisher: Cleis Press
Payment: $50 and 2 copies of the book on publication.
Deadline: January 15, 2011 (earlier submissions preferred)
goingdownantho at gmail.com

Corsets and Clockworks: Steampunk Erotic Romance
Editor: Kristina Wright
Publisher: Cleis Press
Publication Date: Fall 2011
Deadline: February 15 (earlier submissions preferred!)
Payment: $100 per story and 2 copies of the book, on publication
E-mail: corsetsandclockworks at gmail.com

Bound By Lust: A Collection of BDSM-flavored Erotic Romance
Editor: Shanna Germain
Publisher: Cleis Press
Deadline: March 1, 2011
Payment: $50/story
BoundByLust at gmail.com

Chocolate Flava 3: The Eroticanoir.com Anthology
Editor: Zane
Publisher: Simon and Schuster/ATRIA Books
Deadline: March 1, 2011
Payment: A one-time fee of $300 and 5 complimentary copies
Emailed submissions not accepted: Send your submissions to: Strebor Books/Simon and Schuster, ATTN: Chocolate Flava 2, PO Box 6505, Largo, MD 20792.

Best Bondage Erotica 2012
Editor: Rachel Kramer Bussel
Publisher: Cleis Press in late 2011
Deadline: April 1, 2011
Payment: $50 and 2 copies of the book on publication

Best Erotic Romance 2012
Editor: Kristina Wright
Publisher: Cleis Press
Publication Date: Winter 2012
Deadline: April 15 (earlier submissions preferred)
Payment: $100 per story and 2 copies of the book, on publication
E-mail: besteroticromance2012@gmail.com

Best Women’s Erotica 2012
Editor: Violet Blue
Publisher: Cleis Press
Deadline: May 1st, 2011
Paste your story submissions into emails and send to: cleisbook at gmail.com

Best Lesbian Romance 2012
Editor: Radclyffe
Publisher: Cleis Press
Deadline: March 15, 2011
Payment: $50 and 2 contributor copies

In other news, this month looks like it’s going to be a poopy one, in terms of getting Jade tied up, beat and/or fucked. Well, I did get several days of good fucking, and had an awesome scene with Ad and W at a play party earlier in the month, but since then…bleh.  I had some recent (minor) surgery that has dampened things a bit, W hurt himself beating on me (how’s that for irony?) and is now suffering from a cold, he will be away for a few days at Christmas and I have some rather more extensive surgery right after he gets back that will most likely lay me up for several weeks afterward. I had (hoped) to maybe schedule a couple days with W before the holidays to get my fix for a few weeks, but I am not sure that will happen. We have a play party at the new playspace on Friday though, so who knows? Maybe the stars will align and we’ll all be healthy and in the right headspace for it.

And that, as they say, is all she wrote. At least for the moment. ;-)

NaNoWriMo Day1 Update & Truth Meme

November 1, 2010

So, 1760 words today. Felt pretty good, and I stopped while I still had some words in me–one of my little tricks for starting up the next day. Decided on the novel I am working on, an erotic novel that I have been noodling on, and masturbating to, for awhile. ;-) Did run into the complication of having the Missy text me, all excited: Mom, do you know what month it is?? NaNoWriMo!  Yup, she and I have done it together in the past (tho neither of us has finished–yet.)  And she wants to do it again–yay!  But I had already created my “kinky writer” NaNo profile, and am writing a sex novel this year…so I can’t exactly use that profile to buddy her and record all our efforts. Looks like I have to have two profiles on the website. Gah.  Oh well, I don’t want to discourage her, so, I’ll do what needs doing.

In other news, I ran across this interesting meme in The Blogging Slave called the Truth Meme.  I don’t do a lot of memes, but this seems like a good one, and a way to possibly break through any writing blocks that threaten my NaNo progress.  It goes like this:

Day 01 → Something you hate about yourself.

Day 02 → Something you love about yourself.

Day 03 → Something you have to forgive yourself for.

Day 04 → Something you have to forgive someone for.

Day 05 → Something you hope to do in your life.

Day 06 → Something you hope you never have to do.

Day 07 → Someone who has made your life worth living for.

Day 08 → Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.

Day 09 → Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.

Day 10 → Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.

Day 11 → Something people seem to compliment you the most on.

Day 12 → Something you never get compliments on.

Day 13 → A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)

Day 14 → A hero that has let you down. (letter)

Day 15 → Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.

Day 16 → Someone or something you definitely could live without.

Day 17 → A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.

Day 18 → Your views on gay marriage.

Day 19 → What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?

Day 20 → Your views on drugs and alcohol.

Day 21 → (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?

Day 22 → Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.

Day 23 → Something you wish you had done in your life.

Day 24 → Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)

Day 25 → The reason you believe you’re still alive today.

Day 26 → Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?

Day 27 → What’s the best thing going for you right now?

Day 28 → What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?

Day 29 → Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.

Day 30 → A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself.

So, tomorrow I’ll start on that.

Busy Bee

November 1, 2010

“How was your day?” the pseudo-father-in-law asked.

I froze, one hand on the stair rail, my face turned away as I desperately tried to think of what to say.  I had been heading rapidly down the stairs, hoping to avoid small talk. I’m so bad at making things up to cover for my frequent absences.

“Oh, um,” I stammered, “it was great! I went to, um, to the park. It was such a lovely day.” What I didn’t mention was that I had been decked out in full ponygear doing a photo shoot in a public park right smack in the middle of downtown, with the Arch as a backdrop. Or that only an hour before that I had been handcuffed in a hogtie on W’s floor. Or that the evening before that, I had been sleeping in W’s bed…okay, well, sleeping and not sleeping, if you take my meaning.

I don’t know how much he knows about what I do or where I am on the frequent nights that I don’t come home. Of course I don’t want him to know about much that I do…but I get tired of not being able to just say, “I was at W’s.” He knows W, does he ever wonder who he is?  Probably not; most people take “He’s a friend,” at face value. But then I think about the coworker and her bf that rent our house, and the fact that I just found out that they have a female “roommate.”  My quotation marks, for all I know she is just a roommate. But the other night my coworker invited me out to a local alternative club where they were going to see Rocky Horror…soooo? Who knows.

Perhaps it is the fact that I am feeling tenuous connections being made between me and W’s family that is making me think about this.  He’s told his mom and daughter about me. This week I am sending a baby hat that I crocheted for his granddaughter to her. He invited me down to FL to visit him this month while he’s away–and stay at his mom’s if I did! He mentioned perhaps going to NYC with him sometime, where I would meet his daughter and son-in-law.  Of course they don’t know that I live with someone else. That is not part of the conversation, nor does it need to be. My own family, while aware I am poly, don’t actually know that the “W” I speak of on occasion is, in fact, my other partner. I did tell my mom that it was he that stayed with me the entire time I was in hospital, though.  I know eventually I will tell her, at least.  My sister I don’t talk to enough to make it matter, and my stepfather…well, we just don’t talk about some things. But my mom and I do, so I have been preparing the way a bit. After having been with W for two years, maybe it’s time, eh?  But I totally understand why that doesn’t have to be a part of W’s conversation with his family.  That I am in the conversation at all makes me feel…deliriously happy. Validated. Important to him. (I know, I know, all things I should feel anyway, but I feel what I feel…)


The past week or so was insane…crazy…wonderful. The aforementioned photo shoot was just the icing on a very tall, wonderfully yummy cake. The two days before KK, then KK, then Baltimore and then back home to hang with Ad and kids, and then unexpected time with W before he leaves for FL. I think I am better equipped to deal with his absence this time than last, but the proof will be in the pudding, eh?  Especially as at least two of those weeks will be sans Ad as well.  My daughter knows me so well sometimes…when I told her that W and Ad would be gone, she texted me, “OMG, do you have your Happy Light?!?”  (Yes, it does work for those of us who suffer SAD. I was able to kick the meds by using it.)  I thought it was so funny/cool that she recognizes that. Next she told me she’d be sure to hang out at home more, make sure I didn’t get lonely and depressed.  I assured her that although I would love her company, I am quite capable of being home alone (something that is surely true in the technical sense, but perhaps is more difficult to bear emotionally than I let on.)  With that reality in mind, I have started a list of things I want to get done/do while The Boys are gone:

  • I am deciding on a writing project for a short story submission.
  • I’ve (once again) joined the madness that is NaNoWriMo
  • Daily writing for PoJ/APL
  • Three crocheting projects to complete, AND
  • I want to start working on my new domains. (That’s right, folks, I’m taking this blog and PoJ to my own domain(s)!  Woohoo!  But I’ve got a lot of work to do before I do it.)

Aside from that stuff, I have many OK Cupids to comb thru (didn’t realize my message notifications were going into my Spam folder! (WTF? After a couple years??), a possible “Special Date” in the potential offing, I’m kinda putting feelers out to the local swinger community and starting to chat with them, a birthday date-surprise for a special Dom friend of mine (tho she hasn’t called me back, so…I don’t know if that’s a go or not), AND Spanksgiving to attend/vend and, if all works out (which it probably won’t, sigh) maybe play at.  Plus think of some new project to do for W, and work on the logistics for a new weekly feature on PoJ, plus, plus plus…! Oh and yeah, deal with my kids & dog & food all on my own.  Oh, and start the new classes at the gym with my workmates!

Whew, this may be an insane month.  Thank GOD the guys are leaving, else I wouldn’t have time for them, right? ;-)

More Writing Notes

July 15, 2010

Speaking of writing, there are quite a few Calls for Submissions out there right now.  Might be a good way to get my kink back on, eh?

  • Indecent proposals: An Xcite Collection of Sexy Propositions.
    Theme: swapping, sharing, escorting, and other curious offers.
    Deadline for stories 1st August 2010. Publication Jan 2011.
  • Kinky Girls: An Xcite Collection of Women on the Wild Side.
    Themes: role-play, bondage/restraint, domination and submission, spanking, kink.
    Deadline for stories 1st Aug 2010. Publication Feb 2011
  • Sex at Work:  An Xcite Collection of Inappropriate Behaviour on the Job.
    Theme: I hope it’s self explanatory (Ed).
    Deadline for stories 1st Sept 2010. Publication March 2011
  • Forbidden Desires Vol. II
    Editor: Valerie Gray
    Publisher: The Olympia Press
    Deadline: Sept. 1, 2010
  • Obsessed: Erotic Romance for Women
    Editor: Rachel Kramer Bussel
    Publisher: Cleis Press in Spring 2011
    Deadline: September 15, 2010 (earlier submissions preferred)
  • Sex & Food anthology
    Publisher: Samba Mountain Press
    Editor: Susannah Indigo
    Deadline: September 15, 2010 Publication date: Late 2010
  • Threesome: When One Lover Is Not Enough. An Xcite Collection:
    Theme: threesomes to group sex.
    Deadline for stories 1st Oct 2010. Publication April 2011
  • Women in Lust
    Editor: Rachel Kramer Bussel
    Publisher: Cleis Press in Spring 2011
    Deadline: November 1, 2010 (earlier submissions preferred)

You can find specific information on these and many other Calls for Submission at the Erotica Readers and Writers Association website.