Michigan – Endings and Beginnings

December 2, 2011

So here they are, the last of the snaps I took while we were on our mother/daughter retreat.

A bit about that, first. Ever since my Ex and I split, my daughter, who I refer to interchangeably as The Missy and The Girl,  and I have taken a yearly vacation together, just she and I. Usually it’s sometime in the summer, but this year it ended up being over Thanksgiving, which is perhaps apropos, since I am profoundly grateful to have had these times with her and to have been able to have this relationship with her. Not all mothers have such a close relationship with their teen-to-adult daughters.  Although my relationship with my own mother is wonderful now, close and loving, we had our struggles when I was growing up. So I know firsthand how unusual, and precious, my relationship is with her.

This time with my daughter was especially poignant, in that as she moves into true independence and adulthood, I can see that our yearly trips together may now become her yearly trips with girlfriends of hers (she is already planning her first girlfriend-vacation for next year.) I’m a little sad (and still hopeful that she and I can continue to do this, too) but also…it feels right for her to be making these plans without me.  Making her own plans, for her own life. I’m proud of her, excited for her, and proud of myself, too, in a small way, for having raised a girl that is as fearless, open and loving as she is.

We spent a lot of time talking this time around. In the past we have had a lot more pool/beach/hiking/activity time, but the beach was cold (as you’ll see) and mostly we just holed up, relaxing, writing and talking. It was more enforced relaxation than I’ve had in a long time, but it was really, really good.  For us both.

And the topics we covered…whew!…that’s a post all in and of itself. And of course (as mentioned in PoJ) there was her discovery of this blog…

But that’s another post.  Here, for now, are the last of the pictures.

The last two days were cold and blustery.

I have no idea what I was doing here.

But I know it was damn cold here.

And windy.

I love how the dunes take back the beaches when the summer folk go home.

And I loved the crash of the waves.

Monday it was clear again. Cold and windy, but sunny.

I was so glad to get my shot of the canoes on the beach.

And Tuesday, we were on the road again, headed back home.

All in all, a successful trip. “One of the best mother-and-daughter trips we have ever had,” the Missy wrote in the guest book at our place. And I have to agree. I hope that there will be many more to come.

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Acceptance

May 31, 2011

Woke this morning with a migraine trying to assert itself.  Sharp pinpoint of pain right above my left eye.  I think I caught it in time, though migraine meds on an empty stomach don’t sit too well either.

Sigh.  I had so many things I wanted to say! And now…my head is just a muddle between pain medication and migraine. (sad face)  I will try to persevere.

I had an awesome weekend, and in honor of it, I have begun a campaign to designate the Sunday before Memorial Day “National Bondage Day.”  Mark it on your calendars, folks!  I should have a post over on PoJ later today or tomorrow all about my playdate with Jessica Simpson, Steve Madden, my two guys–and a lot of rope. ;-)

I had some interesting insights and discoveries into myself this weekend as well. Nothing too deep or earth-shattering, but…interesting. One of them helps me understand some of the decisions I’ve made in my life. The other is more of a “growth” thing.  The growing part I think I’ll address over in my PoJ post, but the other is more suitable to this space, I think.

So the deal is this. W and I were discussing relationship dynamics. Specifically, 24/7 M/s or O/p relationships, as opposed to our own dynamic. I am sexually submissive to W, and that bleeds over, because of my personal mental/emotional makeup, into other areas of our relationship, and I do consider the relationship of the Owner/property category–he owns and controls my sex life. This dynamic is much deeper and more internalized for me than him, I think, again because of my particular emotional makeup, but he totally gets it.  He said something very perceptive the other day. “I think if I’d been the kind of Top that wanted to control your life more, you would have responded to that and become more of a submissive in everyday life as well.” He’s exactly correct, I think–and in an interesting dichotomy, I think it is precisely because I am a submissive at heart that, rather than seeking out another relationship that would satisfy that need in me, instead I molded myself and my own desires to my Dominant’s. It is a testament both to my own self-awareness and to W’s relationship skills that we were able to recognize that I do need some balance between the two extremes, and he was able (and willing) to explore that dynamic on at least some levels more with me, in order to assure that those needs are met as well.

But I digress a bit. To continue on with my original point (see, I DO have lots in my head this morning!)

The reason that W and I aren’t in a more “traditional” M/s style relationship boils down, essentially, to one simple fact: neither of us wants to work that hard. We do this because it brings us pleasure, it makes us hot and it leads to some crazy hot sex.

Now, I understand that for many people, it is in the act of self-sacrifice, it is in doing something difficult, and doing it well, that they derive pleasure. For many people, it is the hard work that makes a thing worthwhile.  I get that and respect that–immensely.

But that’s just not me.  Furthermore, that trait informs not only my BDSM-relationship style, but also many, many other areas of my life, if not all of them.  It wasn’t until W and I were talking about it that I put it all together tho, and made the connection.

It came about because we were trying to draw an analogy from vanilla life to WIITWD and the different dynamics. What we came up with is the comparison between an athlete that runs marathons and one that does 5k’s.  Or, to personalize it, someone like me, that runs ~3 miles, max, and has no desire to run further, because after that, it gets hard, and I just don’t want to work that hard. I run because it is a pleasure, a joy, but once it starts hurting and getting to be a chore, once it becomes work–forget it.  That’s why it is so hard to get myself to restart running consistently, because that first mile of every run sucks.  I hate every minute of it. But if I can just get past that to the other side, the pure pleasure of feeling my body move, of feeling it do what it’s meant to do, of feeling, for that tiny amount of time, “athletic,” well, then it is no longer work. Or if it is, the cost/benefit ratio tilts heavily in favor of benefit, and I am willing to pay the cost.

But honestly, it takes a lot to tip the scales in that analysis, and to be blunt, most things that are hard or difficult or make me miserable in the doing of them just don’t have that big a benefit to warrant me doing them.

It’s easy to see how not living an M/s relationship 24/7 fits into that.  Being a slave is hard, and more about sacrificing one’s own wants to another than engaging in it for one’s pleasure. But it wasn’t until I turned the idea over in my head that I recognized how many other places in my life this has had an impact.

For instance, school.  I love to take classes. If I could afford it, I’d probably take a class every semester. But as deep as my love of learning goes, and as many college credits as I have, I’ve NEVER completed a degree.  Not because I can’t, nor even because I don’t want to, but because, frankly, it’s a lot of work! There are classes I have to take that I just don’t want to. And frankly, sometimes even classes I enjoy get to be a drag after 3 months, so I stop going. But given the appropriate cost/benefit ratio, and yes…I’ll do it. For instance, that fucking math class. The benefit–a feeling of accomplishment in the face of adversity, the knowledge that W and Ad would be proud of me, and the knowledge that I would be setting a good example for my kids–became a huge benefit, enough, finally, to force me past my fear of failure, past my desire to take the easy way, and on to finally finishing the class.

That feeling of accomplishment–of forcing myself to do something I am afraid of–is actually quite a strong motivator on the “benefit” side of things, btw. It made me take a job as a waitress when I was so shy I could barely walk into a room alone. It made me hike to the bottom of the Grand Canyon, knowing that at the bottom was a scary-ass suspension bridge over the Colorado River that I’d have to walk over. It made me take a bus with 50 other women I didn’t know to Washington DC for the march for freedom of choice, and to stand up on that same bus and tell the story of the abortion I had chosen to have, something I had never told anyone else.  It’s what made me start running in the first place, what made me climb the rock wall and to the top of the High Temple on our cruise.  It led me to offer to take on countless jobs, including the one I am in now, without knowing I actually had the skills to cut it.  It’s what drives me to explore the intersection between pain and pleasure, and why I seek out some of the more extreme corners of that kind of play at times.

On the other hand, the desire for pleasure, for experiencing joy, led me to choosing to end my marriage of 15 years. It led me to conquer my fear of being rejected and made me reach out to a stranger–W–on Fetlife. It’s led me to cut toxic people from my life and to choose to take my children on trips rather than to buy a new car. It’s allowed me to accept that maybe I won’t finish that novel (just too hard to do) but to accept the joy I find in writing here and on PoJ and in writing short stories.

On the other hand, this very trait has cost me at times as well. There is no amount of benefit that will ever make me a good wife, housekeeper or cook. I’m a loving partner and a great girlfriend, but domesticity just doesn’t do it for me.

I will probably never be able to afford to retire, because I spend money too freely on transient pleasures.

I will probably never really accomplish anything of true, lasting value or worth. That novel? Ain’t gonna happen. The half-marathon I want to do? Nope. Get a degree and get an important job? Not so much.  I probably won’t become a world-famous blogger or be asked to speak at events or change the world in any large, lasting way.

But…

I’m okay with all this. I am okay with the bad and the good.

I can accept these things about myself.  I can live with–and love–me. Just as I am.


Cruise Wrap-up, Days 2-3, Part 2: Lamanai

May 27, 2011

Welcome to Lamanai-"Submerged Crocodile"!

You really do have to understand a little of the history of Lamanai, and its place in the ancient Mayan world to appreciate the pictures properly.  From NorthernBelize.com:

[Lamanai] thrived for over 3000 years. The city of Lamanai began its regional supremacy around 1500 B.C. Extending from the formative years of the Mayan world to the preaching friars of Spanish colonists, Lamanai flourished and supported a vast community of farmers, merchants, and traders.

Three thousand years! It’s hard to even comprehend a civilization lasting that long.  I sometimes wonder if ours is going to last out the century.

…of the 700 buildings within the complex, less than five percent have been excavated and explored.

At one point the city had ~35,000 inhabitants. After visiting compact Tulum, Lamanai sprawls in the jungle like an ancient equivalent of Los Angeles. It’s hard to grasp the immensity of the site in one abbreviated visit. And what we see as tourists is a drop in the bucket to what’s out there, overtaken by jungle growth.  Everywhere you look there are mounds like the one shown here–this is the debris of hundreds of years covering the buildings that once stood here.

As the Classic Period came to an end in the ninth and tenth centuries, many of the neighboring Mayan cities proceeded through a period of decay to final collapse. Lamanai survived this time of upheaval and continued trade with sites in the northern part of the Yucatan Peninsula on into the Post-Classic Period. Copper, tin, and bronze objects flowed into Lamanai from sources in west Mexico, the Oaxaca Valley, and probably middle Central America.

Lamanai, possibly because of its “out of the way” location, survived while other Mayan cities declined. It wasn’t until the Spaniards arrived in the 1600’s that the fall of Lamanai was finally achieved, mostly through the introduction of disease.  Of course this was all in the name of Christ, because God knows the heathens needed to have their souls saved, right?

If you’re curious to learn more about Lamanai and/or Belize, you can find detailed information and maps about the site here (a different site than NorthernBelize.com), by the way. I printed out a ton of info from that website that I made into a booklet, and it was very helpful.

And now, on to the pictures…

Me playing travel guide.

"You are HERE." Or actually, we were-they let us climb the High Temple.

I love that they added an 's' to "feet."

W as Great White Hunter on the steps leading up to the Jaguar Temple. I may post another picture of him playing Great White Slaver in PoJ later.

Our first view, after a hike thru the jungle, of the Mask Temple.

Back the way we'd come...

Each section is where the new king or regime built atop the old. They didn't destroy their predecessors buildings--they just built right over the top of them.

Mask Temple - full view

I was amazed that they let us climb all over the temples-and pleased. You really couldn't get a sense of scale if you weren't right up next to them.

A short walk brings us to the highest and one of the most important structures at Lamanai, the High Temple.

The High Temple in its entirety. It's hard to see how very tall it is, but at its highest it towered over the jungle at ~112 ft.

That yellow line in the center of the steps is a rope hanging down to aid tourists to climb. That and a “Be careful, if you fall it’s going to hurt!” are about all the cautions a tourist gets.  I love a place where you’re actually responsible for your own actions.

An artist's rendering of the High Temple as it was in its full glory.

Ad going up

It's steep!

Taking a break that the first level. See how tiny those people are down there?

A view from the top.

On a clear day...you can see to Honduras.

The view in the other direction.

And finally, all three of us at the top.

A funny story about the previous picture.  The guide offered to take our pic.  “Yes,” I said, “please!” When we three went to pose by the edge though, he looked at W and said, “Excuse me so I can take their picture,” meaning Ad and I. We all laughed. “Nope, we’re all together,” we said. Later he offered to take another picture, the one you’ll see with me on W’s lap in the boat. Apparently he’d gotten used to the idea that I was with both guys by then.

Climbing back down. It was actually scarier going DOWN than up.

Taking a break in the shade in between the residence area and the ball court that fronts the Jaguar Temple.

In the Ball Court in front of the Jaguar Temple.

You can really tell that the jungle is starting to take over the excavation again. And how this must have looked when the archeologists first discovered it!

Relaxing in the boat on the ride back.

And that’s it for Day 3. Well, except for me dressing up in paint, a sequined g-string and pasties and some rocking high heels–and little else!–for Mardis Gras night…I have a picture around here somewhere…

Oh yes!  Here it is…

And that, my lovelies, concludes our digital tour for the day!


Cruise Wrap-Up, Ship Days 2-3, Part 1

May 25, 2011

Another picture post! We actually took a lot of pictures of our third day, because we went on an excursion to the Mayan ruins at Lamanai (and I forced W to take lots of “vanilla” pics.) ;-)  In fact I have so many pictures that I am going to break them up into two posts.

Day 2 was an “At Sea” day, and for a number of reasons, wasn’t conducive to picture-taking.  The first half of the day we spent on the pool deck, lazing about, sunning ourselves like slothful lizards, drinking like fish and just enjoying being naked on a ship full of sexy, sexual people.  (I LOVED getting to show off my rings.  And did I mention the rubdown that W gave me?  He left not a smidgeon of my naked skin uncovered by sunscreen.  It was amazingly erotic, having his hands all over me–gently!–in front of dozens of people.) But the pool deck was a “no-picture” zone, due to the fact that everyone was half-to-all-the-way-naked, including me.  And sadly, that night I was laid low with my first-ever bout of seasickness.  So Tuesday night was not much fun. But we’d had a great time the night before, so I guess I can’t complain too much.

I don’t think I mentioned what a great time W and I had our first night on the cruise. That night actually spotlights why our “three” works out so well. I had been on a cruise with Ad before, and really loved it, but we didn’t spend one night out past 10 or 11pm.  Ad tends to retire at about that time, and if I don’t have anyone else encouraging me to do otherwise, I’ll snuggle up with him and go to bed then as well. That’s the pattern here at home, as a matter of fact. At home, with Ad, I’ll head into the bedroom with him at 10pm, we’ll talk and snuggle and read for awhile, and I may stay awake doing ‘puter stuff for awhile, but I’m content to be in bed early with him.

W, on the other hand, tends to wake up at about 9 or 10pm, and if he is going to play with me, that’s usually when it starts. So I have no problem staying up with him until 1 or 2 in the morning, and, especially on this cruise, where so much happens at night, I wanted to be awake and out there, enjoying the nightlife. I never would have got to if W hadn’t been there, which would have been a shame.  Or Ad would have felt obligated to escort me, which wouldn’t have worked out for either of us either.  This way, he got to do what he wanted, without feeling guilty about not accompanying me, and I got to do what I wanted, without feeling guilty about leaving him in the room.

Anyway, Monday night that was exactly what we did.  Adam went to bed at about 11 and W and I got gussied up and cruised the ship.  We ended up hanging out at the bar right outside the “swinger playroom” and talked and flirted with people and had drinks–and tried to get my courage up to go inside the playroom–but even without doing that (I never did make it in) we had loads of fun.

Anyway, on to the pictures! (Vanilla ones, how ’bout that?!)

These are from Day 3.  We took an excursion to visit Lamanai, one of the oldest and largest of the Mayan ruins in Belize, which included a ninety minute bus ride and a boat ride on the New River to the New River Lagoon, where the ruins are.  But before we could get on the bus, we had to take a thirty minute tender to Belize itself. If you’ve been following my picture posts on Fetlife, you’ve seen the tenders I’m talking about. ;-)

I love the tender rides from the cruise ship into port, by the way. I see people complaining about how long and boring they are and I am amazed they feel that way. I love the blue, blue water and open sky, watching the ship recede and a new place, a place I’ve never seen before, come into view. I can’t understand how people can sit in their seats and not hang over the side of the boat to watch the land come into view and the city take shape.  I like watching the birds wheel overhead and feeling the salty wind on my face. Maybe I should have been a sailor, huh?

I couldn't stay seated.

Our first view of Belize.

Goofballs on the bus.

The other goofballs.

Safari Girl on the New River

Local fishermen with a turtle they'd caught-and not for a pet!

Another boat of cruise goers on the river.

Spider monkey in a tree.

He came within a few feet of the boat. Our guide had to stop a woman from holding her camera out too far to take a pic: "Don't Mami! He'll snatch it!"

A new definition of the term "batcave."

Ironically, the nicest place we saw on the river was a rehab facility.

First view of Lamanai. You can't see in this picture, and you can't get a real understanding of the immensity of it anyway from a photo, but the tallest temple peeks above the trees.

In my next post we’ll visit Lamanai itself!  Stay tuned. ;-)


Swinging in the Bath

March 7, 2011

We were in the bath together the other night, a rare occurrence, although he frequently sits with me and we have a drink and talk while I’m bathing. I’m glad he climbed in with me, though, it was the perfect way to discuss an important topic; naked, warm and wet, it’s hard to be anything but open and loving with each other.  Laying your naked skin on one another strips one of artifice and arrogance, you can’t help but feel a little vulnerable, while at the same time it engenders a protective, humbling feeling towards your other.

Or else makes you a rabid fuckbunny.  It can go either way, and either way works in my book. ;-)

Seriously though, he climbed in and we started chatting kind of aimlessly about things. Not “Things (capitol T)” but just life things. A big Thing that is happening soon is that he is going away for a month again, and we did touch on that (in a fun way) but mostly we chatted, shared, relaxed, enjoyed.

Eventually our discussion moved on to our upcoming cruise in April. Ad and I had made a reservation some time ago for this five day excursion: a 100% takeover “Lifestyle” cruise that is also geared towards kinky folk, having a couple of well-known kinksters doing presentations and kinky playrooms set up for us twisted folk, as well as the usual swinger parties & party rooms. Late in February W had finally committed to coming, and so we we were talking about what we might expect, etc. Talk naturally turned to negotiating the swinger environment.

W and I aren’t swingers, as such. We’ve been to a party or two here, but the couple of times I tried doing the two-couples/swapping thing (with my ex) I didn’t enjoy it much. Just too much to think about–is everyone having a good time? Is she happy? Is he happy?– to relax and enjoy. I also really feel at a loss in that environment. How do you get from the bar to the bedroom? How do you negotiate what level of play everyone is comfortable with? There are intricacies of interaction that leave me uncomfortable and unsure, of myself, of the situation. Also, underlying it all, is my relationship dynamic with W. I don’t fuck others without his permission, but more specifically, I need his dominance to instigate it.

And yet, knowing that he wants me to be with others, that it is one of his deepest kinks and desires, I know how much it would please him for me to find some way to negotiate this, to embrace it, within the boundaries of my perception of our D/s relationship. I would love to be able to give that to him.  I also know that he was not always happy with the way another of his partners sometimes left him feeling left out at swinger things, and want (I know this is bad but what the hell, this is MY space for truth, right?) to do it better than she did. I want the experience to be amazing for him, in every way, and I want to be the one to make that happen. Of course, being as tied to him D/s-wise as I am, I can’t imagine ever leaving him out in the cold, in fact quite the opposite: I think my problem will be clinging to him too much, when what he wants is for me to be this free, hyper-sexual person. I don’t know that I can be her–but I think that the atmosphere on the boat may allow me to feel that a bit more, and to act in ways that I might not be comfortable with but that I know he wants me to.  I’d kinda like to be that hyper-sexual girl, if I could let her out of her cage. ;-)

He, on the other hand, originally came from the swinging environment, although I don’t know how much experience he has in such an environment with a girl like me (read: with the added possible-encumbrance of my deep submission to him.) Swinger and overt-BDSM do not always mix, and yet I need to feel made to do those things, I need his overt dominance in order to act, and so we have been trying to find ways to enhance that aspect of it for me, while not allowing it to unsettle those around us.

One of the aspects we talked about was how free I could/would be sexually with others, if he had not given his express permission.  And, conversely, how free he could be. I know that I (almost always) have his implicit permission. But I also know myself well enough to know that I will not and cannot act that way without his express permission, and even goading. I need that to step beyond myself enough to go there.  So we talked about that, and possible ways to deal with it.

Then he asked me about the reverse. About his being with other women on the ship. Of course, if we’re both there having sex, and he’s getting off with someone and I’m getting off with someone, that’s all good.  But what if there is someone that he wants to get involved with just by himself? How do I feel about that?

In some ways, this is why I think that there are times mixing D/s and open relationships don’t work. There isn’t equality in D/s.  It is inherently and by choice an unequal relationship. And given that inequality, it has great potential to be abused by the one in power.  For me, it works, but it works because it is with W–with his ethics and fairness–that I am doing this with.  I know he would never abuse the trust that I place in him to treat me fairly.  That said, within that D/s context, even if he didn’t encourage, allow and make me have sex with other men, I would still feel it was his right to have sex with whomever he pleases.  As his property, as his submissive, I do not have the right to tell him who he can and cannot have sex with.  This is not driven or dictated by him, it is part of my personal understanding of our dynamic–the way that I view our relationship–that it feels right that I should need to have permission granted to me, but that he should not.  He is the Owner, I am the property.  He owns my sex, I don’t own his. Period. That feels right to me, and as it should be.

The reality, of course, is much more complex. I know that if he approached it that way (“I’m the Owner, suck it up, bitch,”) it would never work emotionally for me.  Because, regardless of the labels, of this hard-seeming edge, the place that I truly come from with this is a place of compassion, and a deep-seated need for fairness and to be ethical.  But I also know that if and when the time comes, there will be a part of me that knows, even if it makes me uncomfortable or insecure or unhappy, that part of my acceptance will be based on just that. I know, in my mind, in my heart, that it is right, given our dynamic.

But here, this is what I wanted to say with all of this. The best part of all this was that we could talk about it all. We could have a potentially uncomfortable conversation and talk it through.  And in talking it through, learn more about ourselves, and each other, and our relationship. Talking helped to clarify my own feelings, and for the first time I was able to articulate and embrace them. It was an empowering moment.

I don’t know how things will pan out on the ship. But I’m glad it opened this dialogue, regardless of the actual outcome.

Now…to talk to Ad and find out where he is with all this.


I’m so excited…

October 20, 2010

I have the words to some 80’s song in my head:

“I’m so excited, I just can’t hide it
I’m about to lose control and I think I like it, I like it.”

But when I went to Youtube to find it, but what came up was a song from the “golden age of disco” called Let’s Have a Party Tonight.  Have I ever mentioned that W revers all things disco? No?  Well, believe it, he does.  And so, in honor of my goofy Owner, I just had to post it.  What a great totally-iconically-disco song, and one I’ve never heard! (And I know, I know, if you’ve read half the stuff I post over on PoJ, you probably wouldn’t use the word “goofy” to describe W.  But honest–he does have a silly side.)

So what am I excited about? Oh, just that I am going away for a WEEK for fun, first with W, then with W and Ad, and then at a work conference.  That’s right, I am looking forward to a work conference, but it’s not with my coworkers (except 10 or so from our national office and those are people I am looking forward to seeing) but with about a thousand other folks that have all gathered to learn about the software package that we use to manage our donors, websites and special events.  I’m actually looking forward to being around all those people I don’t know and learning stuff that only I will know in my organization.  I am also honored that my pseudo-boss felt that it was worth the money to send me to it.  And hell, it’s a free trip to a city I’ve never been!

(Edit: I always forget that I have been there. My brother died at John Hopkins in Baltimore, and I was there for the last two days of his life. But of course I didn’t see anything other than the hotel and the hospital that time.)

Anyway. I always hear people say, “Don’t get so excited, then you won’t be disappointed…” about doing a thing or going somewhere.   Poppycock, I say!

(How’s that for a great word??  Which, by the way, is also a brand of candied popcorn, besides meaning nonsense, and in spite of the fact that the word probably originated from a word for “dung” (see http://www.etymonline.com.))

It doesn’t matter how excited I get, how much I anticipate and dream about a thing, I know it’s going to be different than what I have in my head, but that doesn’t matter–I will enjoy myself, and not be disappointed, no matter what. I always do. (Well, unless things get canceled or something tragic/horrendous occurs.  Though even when things get canceled or I have to change plans, I can usually adapt to that as well.) So to take away the build-up, the excitement, the sleeplessness and furiously racing thoughts would be such a shame. And I just can’t do it, period.  Not in my make-up.

This week is going to be jam-packed. We drive to Chicago tonight. Hopefully there will be enough light for me to get some work done on my new ponytail for Onyx. I believe we are going to debut her at Kinky Kollege! So excited! (Oops, there I go again, lol.)  So I really want to get a new tail made for her (I have a shorter one that just isn’t quite right.)  W worked on a new harness for her, and I got some kick-ass boots for her too, so, she’s ready to come out and play, to get shown off, as am I.

Tomorrow I work from the hotel room (real work, not the kind I posted about over on Wanton Wednesday, though I have a feeling (hoping) there will be a fair bit of “working girl” play going on as well. lol) Then W has arranged for me to…meet…a friend of his. I believe I shall be tied and gagged for this meeting, or for at least part of it.  So you can guess what sort of “meeting” it is.  After that, we meet an acquaintance from Twisted Tryst and her friend for dinner and play afterward.  This is kind of new to me–I facilitated and instigated this part. I’m a little anxious about it–we’re all total strangers to each other, to be honest, but W and I both liked her at TT and she and I have kept in touch via IM, so…we’ll see.

Friday is the start of Kinky Kollege.  Ad gets in around 1pm.  And I am hopefully going to meet up with another blogger friend, the oh-so-sexy, ultimate shoe-slut, LongDistanceSub! Another friend and one-time play partner will also be there with his new submissive, and of course our friend BadBeast, that we went to TT with and that I had the lovely anal hook scene with at the last KK and his wife will be there.  He said he hopes I have room on my “dance card” for a scene with him, as he has some “ideas.”  ~delicious shiver~  I hope I do too!  The guys have what sounds like a fun scene planned for that night.  It incorporates something that Ad has always wanted to do, but if he does, requires some actual planning on my and their parts, so, though the guys are plan-phobic, I kind of bullied them into actually planning it out. Of course, if it happens the way it’s planned, we’ll all be shocked, I am sure, but at least we’ll have the right set-up in case there’s a chance. lol

Saturday I am doing a “shoe-centric” photo shoot with the luscious LongDistanceSub and some other women at KK, and possibly, maybe a more private one with just her and I too. Shoes, sexy lingerie, hot women and a camera–what could be better? Hmm, maybe some rope? ;-) And Saturday night is more play. Play play play play play!!!!! ~giggle bounce~

Sunday I am off to Baltimore for my conference. I opted to bring…sexy business attire for this one. I have…thoughts…of possibly moving a bit outside my comfort zone. Maybe even ~gasp~) hooking up with someone out there.  I’ve never actually picked someone up that way on a business trip…but damn, knowing how hard it would make W, well, I may just try.  Now, no pressure from ya’ll out there in the peanut gallery, though!  If it happens, it does.  But I’ll be sure to share all the details if it does. ;-)

Okay, well, that’s it for now. Hopefully I will have time to update a couple times this weekend, and if not then, surely next week!

Oh, and in case you’re wondering, I did find the original song I was looking for:


Last Day

June 8, 2010

It’s overcast here, the sky and bay a uniform gray that kind of mirrors my emotions this morning. I’ve had a lovely time here, but I’m ready to go home now.

I’m ready to see and talk to Ad, to cuddle next to him, to hear his voice, to feel his arms around me, to see his smile.

I’m ready to scratch my pup behind his ears, take him for a walk, listen to him chatter his teeth at me because he’s so excited to see me.

I’m ready to start my new classes, though how I could have thought that having to attend my first class the night I get back (tomorrow night) is a good idea is anybody’s guess.

I’m ready to see the BoyChild, congratulate him on graduating 8th grade and start to figure out how we’re going to handle the upcoming school year, with him living with us during the week instead of at his Dad’s.

I’m ready to get The Missy all settled in at home as well, and to help her get her college schedule squared away.

I’m ready to get back into my routines.

I’m not so much looking forward to days and days (to say nothing of nights) without W. I know this is going to be a huge challenge for me. I know that I’ll start to get bored and start getting into trouble on the ‘net, flirting with new boys, etc., and honestly, I really don’t have the time or energy for it. But that’s me.  I just have to figure out a (healthy/sensible) way to manage it. I hope that running/school/work takes up most of that excess energy.


Yesterday we went ziplining…we had a great time but I came home with a vicious headache and allergies. :-( Still, look at all the fun we had while we were there!

Ready to go...

The Girl getting hooked up.

Flying alone...

...and with a partner. "No," she said, "I am NOT going upside down!" I did, but have no pics to prove it. :-(

This IS me flying though, 500 feet above the ground. The highest line is 700 ft above the river gorge and 400 meters long--almost a quarter mile long!

And this is me coming in. "You go so fast, Mamacita, for such a little one!" No kidding!

And this is us, having a well-deserved Mango Margarita after the excitement was over.